


Helping The Hopeless

by MiChiAzalie



Category: Fate/EXTRA, Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Constipation, F/M, Gil is not amused by Hakuno's hoard, Saltiness™, Threesome - F/M/M, mentions of other pairings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiChiAzalie/pseuds/MiChiAzalie
Summary: Gudako had hoped that this infatuation Gilgamesh seemed to hold for the newly arrived Hakuno Kishinami -former Master or not- would wear off eventually and they could return back to normal, dysfunctional though it was, but it had been months since he’d moved Hakuno with him and there was no sign he was planning to put her back out anytime soon.Tired of receiving complaint after complaint from all sort of distraught Servants, Gudako had tried to make the King of Heroes see reason, but none of her attempts had proved to be effective up to date. That is until, one day, and unbeknownst to anyone, Hakuno ended up doing something that sent Archer mad with undulated spite; Hakuno summoned a Caster version of himself, and truly, wasn't this just a testament of how profoundly screwed up their life had just become that now they had to think of Gilgamesh in plural?
Relationships: Gilgamesh | Archer/Kishinami Hakuno, Gilgamesh | Caster/Kishinami Hakuno
Comments: 56
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

Being the Master of a whole army of heroic spirits has given Gudako knowledge that no other girl her age would otherwise have. For one, Gudako has learned the art of filing anything that might compromise her sanity in a distant corner of her mind, never to be processed in case it might bring her one step closer to having a mental breakdown in the worst possible moment imaginable.

The first time she found out that said corner of her mind might be _overflowing_ with too much information that was never intended to be digested came the day she rescued one Kishinami Hakuno from a particularly hellish singularity. She remembers the day as well as the days that followed her arrival at Chaldea in astounding detail. Firstly, because it was around the same time her life just became slightly more complicated, and secondly because it was partially her own fault that it ever came to happen.

The first day she winded up in Chaldea, Hakuno had been confused out of her mind and did not provide much exposition until some days later. Gudako had heard many unlikely, crazy stories in her short life as a Master, but oh _boy_ none of them could quite compare to hers. She’s sure there are some details to that that Hakuno wasn’t disclosing with her, but that only meant that the brunette’s survivor’s instincts were as sharp as ever, and really, as long as it wasn’t life threatening, Gudako could live without knowing some things about her cohabitants.

A few days in, after waiting some prudential time for the Mages Association to finish their routine inspections, Gudako took her out of her room-slash-basement -a place that wasn’t officially registered as a habitable room and, thus, was left out of said inspection visit-, and took her to explore the facilities: basically, to show her around. It was a breach in the code of conduct she should follow as Master, sure, and it would probably cause some definite trouble should certain Servants catch a glimpse at her before it was completely safe for her to wander around the place, but an exception was an exception and those uptight assholes she had for employers could go fuck themselves for all Gudako cared about them. Nightingale could manage herself on her own just fine, sure, but a helper would be nice to have as well, and the girl truly had no other place to be and Gudako wasn’t the kind of monster to abandon someone to the elements when there was a second option, so she decided to keep her for a while as an exception to the rule, taking into consideration that Hakuno was more of a glitch than she was a civilian -in the most literal sense of the word, in fact-, so there wouldn't be really altering any universe by doing this. At least, that's what she thought.

As she showed her around the place, ignoring the workers that wandered around there, she took notice that some of the random Servants roaming about parted like waves upon taking one look at the brunette, sharing looks of apprehension between them in some kind of silent understanding, which Gudako distantly thought was strange at first, but then didn’t pay much mind to it; granted, Gudako thought it was only natural that Hakuno would attract this kind of unwanted attention -it was a strange occurrence for Chaldea to have two masters, not to mention the very impossible notion that one of them wasn’t even completely human at all-, but the feeling was somewhat disturbing, and worse was she couldn’t quite pinpoint what was so interesting about their new addition for temporary healing support.

Regardless of that, Gudako led her back to the medical wing, and after debriefing her on what sorts of support they would most probably need out of her, they fell into a heartfelt, pleasant conversation.

“So… what do you think? Will you be settling in all right?”

“Yes… yes, I think so,” Hakuno said, offering her a shallow smile, uneasy at best and not reassuring in the slightest, but it was clear that she was making an effort to make the best of her situation. “It isn’t so bad, I think; it’s good having a handful of big brothers watching out for me, so as long as they understand I can take care of myself when needed.”

Gudako hoped she meant what she said. Living in the shadow of a memory was the worst one could do, and she earnestly wanted her to find some kind of closure to her singularity.

“Great, good! Let me know if there’s anything you need,” she retorted with a triumphant smile, putting her hands on her hips before taking a seat on some nearby chair. Then, her whole expression became slightly morose as she recalled the events that led Hakuno winding up here in the first place. “…It’s a good thing we found you when we did, you know. You couldn’t have survived much longer out there on your own.”

It was at that moment that Hakuno made a strange, affronted face, like she was torn between voicing a thought or staying quiet at something that was clearly upsetting her. In the end, though, she seemed to go for the later, which was fine; after all, even Servants had their own secrets to keep, and Gudako wasn’t about to pry on hers any time soon if she didn’t want to share them just yet, or ever.

Gudako cleared her throat poignantly.

“At any rate, now you’re here. I’ll have to keep you under the radar until things clear out enough and then we can figure out what to do. I mean… I’m not all that sure that the paper pushers at the Mage Association would want us to keep you here, artificial body or not… Not that they know anything yet but… I can’t risk it. I’m sorry.”

“I can understand that,” she retorted, smiling almost ruefully. “Although I’d preferred it if I was kept busy; being idle makes me think too much, and… there are a few things I’d like to see through now that I’m here.”

"Hey, it's okay, I can totally understand," Gudako said, sounding genuinely sympathetic. "With all you've been through, I can see why you would want to be kept away from unpleasant memories. I’m not even gonna ask you the million-dollar question of what happened back then and I would understand it if you wanted a break. …You were cooped up with him for a long time, from what you’ve told me.” Gudako tried to picture what it would be like to spend thirty plus years alone with the King of Heroes, and _shuddered_. She was sure that subjecting someone to that much time with Archer Gilgamesh had to be a violation of the Geneva convention for sure. “Um… We don’t have a psychologist on staff, but-”

Hakuno’s expression was polite as she declined, smiling earnestly, “Oh, don’t worry about him; I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

But it actually was.

In the distance, Gudako could definitely make out the very distinct sound of something very heavy hitting the ground -the kind of sound that was easy to be burned into your mind-, followed by some kind of a churning noise coming from outside the room, which coupled with a disgusting smell of burnt metal and smoke was all the warning the two of them got before the door melted into dripping bits of liquid metal, disintegrating until Gudako could definitely see through the smoke one Archer Gilgamesh standing where there had been once a door -that was _the fourth burnt door_ in a fucking month, what the actual fuck-, arms crossed and scowling. She couldn’t see with certainty what kind of look he had in his eyes through the smoke, but she could already see in her mind’s eye that it looked _threatening_ just by the way his shoulders were hunched and how he was approaching the two of them, taking long steps.

Behind Archer, Gudako swore she could see two familiar silhouettes sprawled across the floor as if they had been struck in the head by something blunt, and as the smoke cleared even further and she craned her neck to get a better glimpse at what was behind him, she came to the realization that it was actually Nero and Tamamo, passed out and looking like they were half-dead.

She knew she should feel concerned about them, but she could still feel the pull of their mana through the immaterial connection of their contract, so they were fine.

She really, really hoped they were fine.

Then, a sudden thought struck her; about the parting waves of Servants just some moments ago. She was sure now that _that_ had been his doing, after all.

He was in a pissy mood. Then again, wasn’t he almost always?

“Time is of the essence,” he told her, walking over them, and his tone made it very clear that hers wasn’t, “and I see no reason to draw things out with an elaborate attempt to make this seem anything but what it is. I shall be needing for that fool that you are so zealously trying to keep out of sight and out of mind to be returned to I. She will also be needing her command seals back, naturally. There are vows to be remade.”

Up close, his eyes were as narrow as she’d ever seen them, his slit pupils hardly even there. It looked more like she was looking into two red dots rather than a pair of eyes. 

Of course life would have it that Gilgamesh, Hakuno’s former Servant, ended up getting notice of her whereabouts earlier than anyone, and of course he would come in barging and demanding his command seals to be returned to her as if it were so easy.

Gudako reclined back on her seat and sighed, mentally preparing herself for what was about to come, and very carefully, trying to pick the best choice of words for that as her gaze shifted from Hakuno to Gilgamesh and back to Hakuno again, she answered.

“You know I cannot do that, My King; the Association keeps tight control of enlisted Masters and Servants and they are still in the midst of running inspections for approving the new budgets. Doing so would-”

“You _fool_. It was not a request; it was an order.” Archer Gilgamesh grumbled out displeasingly, making Gudako raise her arms with a regretful sigh, as if saying ‘I give up’. “And _you_!” he snapped towards the brunette’s direction then.

Gudako had the impression she saw the flicker of an unnamed emotion in those soft brown eyes of hers, but dismissed it when she couldn’t place what it was. Maybe it was nothing at all.

“Me?” Hakuno asked, both sounding and looking more _amused_ than she really should. Didn’t she have an ounce of self-preservation within her or _what_?

“Aren’t you the least bit _sorry_ you made us wait? You could have winded up here earlier and saved us both the trouble of play pretend, you realize. But what do I find? You loitering around with this place’s contractor, hiding in some kind of basement smelling of humidity and sterilizer without making yourself manifest and without seeming to be the slightest bit apolo-”

Gudako started to sweat to what seemed to be the beginning of a thirty-long minute rant. The benefit of experience told her this was going to end badly. Forget about the absurdness of Gilgamesh destroying a perfectly functional and innocent door because he couldn’t behave like a normal human being for five minutes straight; trying to keep the King of Heroes tantrum-free and under control had highest priority right about now.

But Hakuno, that idiot, being the absolute madwoman that she was, just went straight for the hostile-looking King and greeted him with an open-mouthed kiss, which okay, sure, that seemed to work just fine because the king’s complaints dissolved in a flurry of lips meeting lips as they moved in a slow sway, but was it really necessary to tarnish her poor, innocent eyes like that?

Gudako closed her moth very slowly, trying her damn hardest to breathe evenly. Time had stopped, she was sure of it, just as she was sure that this couldn’t possibly be happening right in front of her.

But it was, and when she wanted to look away, embarrassment finally settling in, it was a little bit late for that.

“ _Master_ ,” Gudako heard the king murmur indulgently, closing his eyes again as one hand slipped beneath Hakuno’s sleeveless white blouse.

_Oh, boy._

Gudako wished the ground could swallow her whole _right. That. Fucking. Instant_ , because good _fucking_ grief this was awkward to watch, and as the events unfolded before her very eyes, the redhead was half reminded again about the parting Servants that she saw, all of them looking not at her, but _at Hakuno_ , sporting grim faces as she was led through the halls of Chaldea, and _oh,_ of course. _Now_ she gets it.

They were not trying to surveil Hakuno; they didn’t even want to make demands of her, and they weren’t even afraid of Archer, either, as Gudako had first thought when he burst into the room unannounced and ready to kill.

They were trying to give Hakuno their silent support.

They were _pitying_ her.

Gilgamesh needed to give just one look at her to settle his mind on whatever inner turmoil he had been going through before, and then he wasted no time in hoisting the woman up and then tossing her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing, the cold and hard surface of his armor making Hakuno hiss in slight discomfort when she was thrown against it, and promptly left Gudako alone in the infirmary, still opening and closing her mouth like a fish out of water as she tried to think of something to say that would sound remotely smart, and when words actually came to her mouth, she found herself rushing out of the room, unsure if she wanted to follow but doing so anyway.

“O-Okay, we will keep her! But only until we figure out what to do next!” she yelled into the distance, watching Archer Gilgamesh disappear out of sight with the girl in the plaided fuchsia skirt over his shoulders.

They didn’t hear her and most probably didn’t even care, too lost in their own merriment to pay her any attention.

 _So much for being the Master here_ , Gudako thought to herself wryly.

A few weeks later, Gudako found out that Archer had _knocked down_ the wall standing between his room and what was supposed to be a storage room, merging the two together into one big, ostentatious room for him and Hakuno, and Gudako found she didn’t want to know anything anymore, so she didn’t even raise an objection.

Why did things have to be so difficult? She only wanted to help people out.

* * *

What was supposed to be an unofficial temporary fix became something practically permanent.

In fact, Hakuno ended up staying for almost half a year, and Gudako had sort of warmed up to her enough that she considered to make her a permanent fixature to Chaldea, which brought all sort of problems and dangers to her already convoluted life, but who the fuck cared, anyway? Her life was already beyond comprehension, so what would this change? That she would have to hide a digital girl that they had plucked from the rivulets of time away from a bunch of arrogant, mostly sociopathic mages? That she could manage just fine.

That was not a problem at all.

Sure, Hakuno’s strange ability to make some Servants follow her lead be and be willing to decimate entire fucking hordes of enemies for her sake wasn’t making it easier for Gudako to hide her away from the Mage’s Association, never mind Archer and his friend causing trouble whenever they sensed someone was breaching some kind of illusory divide that set Hakuno apart from the rest, but still, she had to try.

Gudako had hoped that this infatuation Gilgamesh seemed to hold for the newly arrived Hakuno Kishinami -former Master or not- would wear off eventually and they could return back to normal, dysfunctional though it was, but it had been _months_ since he’d moved Hakuno with him and there was no sign he was planning to put her back out anytime soon. What was worse, Enkidu had also joined in what seemed to be some kind of running gag between the two that she couldn’t really see the appeal of, and now they were hoarding her away for themselves, keeping her away from all the Servants that claimed to remember her as having been their Master at some unspecified point of their existence.

This, however, only meant that instead of pursuing Hakuno, they ended up pursuing _her_ with an endless list of complaints about Gilgamesh being a despicable asshole who had ‘ _cruelly taken my Praetor away from me to satisfy his vile needs and now he won’t even allow me to see her! Master, you must do something! He has no right!’_ according to one distraught Nero, was ‘ _defiling and feeding lies to my dearest, most precious husband; of course there’s no way she would ever forget about me! He’s evil, Master, EVIL! You must burn him right away!’_ or so one infuriated Tamamo-No-Mae said all teary eyed with fury as she stomped her feet on the floor, and ‘ _getting advantage on a woman with severe Stockholm Syndrome. He needs to be stopped’_ as far as Emiya was concerned.

She had no idea what to do. She felt pretty strongly she had to do something, but then again, what could she do? She had already tried talking to them and it proved to be useless. What was more, those two hadn’t even left the room in the last two weeks if memory served her right. In fact, she hadn’t even seen the infuriating golden tyrant on the training grounds either for quite a while like she usually would, and when she questioned his friend on his whereabouts, she only got small, knowing smiles along with a ‘ _I’m sure they are to be fine’_ said in a soft voice that was supposed to be comforting but that did nothing to ease Gudako’s nerves on the subject, because those complaints just kept pouring and pouring.

Gudako was tired of receiving complaint after complaint; it was turning Chaldea into even more of a whorehouse than it already was, and in a last-ditch effort to make the King of Heroes see reason, she decided to take Hakuno away for some very much needed bonding time, even going as far as actually _considering_ the very stupid but plausible idea of letting her summon her own Servant so that she could have a break of all the nonsense that was whatever the fuck this was, so she went to their room and found Gilgamesh stretched out half-naked on a couch, reading, with Hakuno sitting on the floor with cushions all around her and beneath her, with her back leaning against the couch and a laptop on her lap. Gilgamesh’s hand was stroking up and down the back of her neck, and what otherwise would be seen as an endearing scene, it was somehow made seem like it was taken from a kinky movie.

The air around them was oddly kinetic and it made Gudako feel she had trespassed into something almost sacred. But no, it was only the King of Heroes reading whatever as he lazily stroked Hakuno’s neck like one would do with a pet.

Good grief. It was truly a miracle Hakuno hasn’t gone insane yet, and a testament of how resilient her mind really was compared to anyone else’s. Gudako thinks she must have some sort of secret, _ancient_ technique to keep some semblance of sanity within her, or otherwise she wouldn’t be looking half as composed as she was; never mind the crazy, impossible situation of being born from a sociopathic machine, then breaking free from its clutches courtesy of one asshole in golden armor, only to wander aimlessly with said cretin across the cosmos for thirty fucking long years, somewhere along the way ending up separated -she never got the full details on that and she doubted she ever will- and then being reunited here with him.

Next time she sees Hakuno without Gilgamesh looming around like some kind of secondary shadow, Gudako was going to give her a fucking _hug_.

Of course, her efforts on trying to make the King change his mind were mostly in vain.

“I need to borrow Hakuno from you for a few minutes,” she announced. “I want her to train with me.”

Which was not untrue; it just so happened to be the perfect excuse for Hakuno to make acquaintances outside this bizarre zone of comfort that she had somehow found in Gilgamesh and his everlasting friend.

But the King proved to be unmovable on that subject.

“Mm, let me think about that,” Gilgamesh said without even looking up from his magazine. “ _No_ , definitely not,” and the way he said it, basking in victory as if all of this was completely within reason, made it all the more infuriating.

Gudako gawked.

“Oh c’mon! Why the heck not? She needs to be given some _space_ every now and then! You can’t possibly expect to keep her from those other Servants _forever_.”

Was he really trying to?

At her insistence, it was then that Archer’s flat glare greeted her as he lowered his magazine enough to affix her with one of his condescending, better-than-thou looks, although its intended effect was kind of lost what with Gilgamesh sprawled out like a starfish over the entire couch.

The blond sighed noisily.

“Fool, you believe I do not know that you are planning something other than simple training? Don’t think of yourself to be so clever. Tell me, if I am not to take this pointless visit of yours as you finally coming to your senses and finally surrendering your command seals back to where they belong, is this then that you bask in interrupting perfectly placid moments with foolish demands?” And then Gilgamesh smiled at her. It was not a nice smile, but then again, his smiles never were. “You have been presented with a question, so speak: what are you trying to get out of this? Whyever should I respond positively to your request?”

“ _Gilgamesh_ , Hakuno is not-”

Gilgamesh snorted, effectively cutting her off mid-sentence and sounding more amused than outraged at the unvoiced suggestion.

Gudako then turned and threw Hakuno one _help me out with this_ look, but from her position, Hakuno only sent her back a look that wordlessly said ‘ _I’m sorry you must go through this_ ’ and said nothing that could actually help her out.

Only the Gods could know how far this masochistic streak of hers went. Maybe Emiya was right and what this girl needed was not a Servant for herself but a mental counselor, and perhaps they should start bringing in psychologists on staff. Gudako was deeply sorry for whatever that poor girl has done in her life that had landed her in this mess with Archer Gilgamesh of all the Servants available for summoning in the Throne of Heroes, and also pretty much sure she didn’t deserve any of this, regardless of whatever crimes she’s committed, if she even committed one to begin with -which she very much doubted.

“I give up,” Gudako finally said, head in her hands, sighing. “Honestly, I just give up. I hope you’re happy.”

He didn’t say it, but he was. Gilgamesh looked so repugnantly _triumphant_ that the stars always seemed to be aligned in his direction that the sentiment might even take physical form. A small, crafty smile appeared on Gilgamesh’s lips, but he simply chose to chuckle at her baffled despair, his attention back on the magazine, and once again, Gudako had no idea how she was supposed to feel about any of this, never mind how to act. One would argue that she should feel relieved that Hakuno was managing to put the ever-volatile King of Heroes in much more bearable, indulgent moods without the need to egg him on and enable every little whim that crossed his mind that could potentially end up with half of Chaldea destroyed, like Enkidu did on a daily basis. Another would say that by allowing him to get away with reclaiming Hakuno to himself alone, she was setting a dangerous precedent that would sooner rather than later explode in her face.

Regardless, Gudako chose to drop the subject and thus left the room and those two to their own devices, choosing to send yet another piece of information to the deepest corner of her mind where information was stored to never ever be processed at all, lest they compromise her sanity permanently.

Once out of sight and out of hearing range, Gilgamesh allowed himself to chuckle once more, contemplating the absurdity of it all.

“I cannot fathom how someone in charge of a whole battalion of Heroes, good for nothing as most might be, can be so out of touch with reality as this woman is,” the blond said conversationally. “Surely she must realize her obstinacy over this is a clear lack of _common sense_.”

“Uh-huh,” Hakuno said absently, engrossed in whatever was that she was reading through the computer’s screen.

Gilgamesh glared down at her. “What was that, Hakuno?” However, he wasn't able to make himself sound as indignant as he should have at Hakuno’s impudent tone.

Hakuno made another soft sound of acknowledgement and closed her laptop’s lid, then placed it over some nearby cushion before climbing back on the couch and sitting on the blond’s lap. She reached one arm forward, pinching Gilgamesh’s magazine between her thumb and index finger and then set it aside. Surprisingly enough, her former Servant raised no objections as he, once again, looked more amused than he ought to.

Sometimes, Hakuno liked to delude herself into thinking she could actually get through his thick, megalomaniac skull. Despite everything she’s been through, even people like her could still believe in miracles, so there went nothing.

“I think you’re being unfair,” she said, finally, with a small scowl that made Gilgamesh roll his eyes skywards.

“Nonsense,” he retorted. “I am but merely reverting a situation that shouldn’t have come to pass. Yes, granted, that mongrel contractor of ours is having a bit of a crisis over it, but so? She planned on keeping you in some insalubrious storage room for _weeks_ ,” _she deserves it,_ is what Gilgamesh most probably meant with that. The storage room affair had been a rather sore spot for Gilgamesh, Hakuno can very clearly recall, mainly because he hadn’t stopped being unreasonably salty over it for as long as he retrieved her from the infirmary wing.

“For _my_ sake,” Hakuno added, although she didn’t really contradict his previous statement.

“Oh, quite possibly, yes; I am sure it seemed perfectly sensible, from her perspective, but that does not change the fact her attempts to provide you sustenance up to date had been all but simply _pitiful_. What is more, there is only but a way to put a stop to those mongrel heroes’ mindless fretting and fawning over what is clearly beyond their reach, something that is clearly inconveniencing her so no doubt, but she still refuses to do the logical thing even when the evidence is right before her eyes.” 

Hakuno made a face as if she somehow doubted that would do the trick, but didn’t voice her thoughts on the matter. Why did she even try? She shook her head.

Tentative at first, Hakuno put a hand on his face, stroking her fingertips very softly across his skin, and was reminded of all the times in the past when she used to not think much about finding him attractive -after all, a spider web was also beautiful, and she didn’t much like the implications of the simile- but now she didn’t much care; even if this was terribly impractical and also terribly fragile, it was alright in the end, because she had him again, now, and this could be yet another beginning.

“Command seals or not, I don’t care. I’m with you. However it goes and however it ends.” the corners of her lips twitched in a half-smile, a knowing but uncertain smile, as though she couldn’t quite believe the two of them were reasonably safe and that nothing hideous was happening around her.

He blinked at her, slowly at first. Then without her even saying anything else, his whole face lightened up, face shifting from mildly shocked to what could only be described as _conniving bastard_ , and Hakuno began to move backwards -only she wasn’t allowed, grabbed that she was by her wrists.

“You _did_ miss me,” he said with a small smile that didn't look nice at all.

Heart already pounding, she admitted, “so terribly,” but didn’t let herself indulge too much in it, lest the sands of time decided to take that away as well back to the Throne of Heroes.

One hand on her wrist moved back up to her face, letting his fingertips slide over her cheeks down her lips, and as she looked back into his eyes, always careful and calculating, she wondered if he could really see into the part of her that so badly wanted to be close to him in a way she’s never thought she would want to be with anyone.

There was also the terrifying though that, should he not be able to, she would gladly allow him to.

“Do you remember all the dancing you made me go through until you _finally_ let me take you?”

Hakuno shuddered inwardly and had to shut her eyes because yes, _yes,_ she remembered.

She reeled it in.

“…I also remember that if given an inch, you will take a mile." Hakuno observed. Gilgamesh remained unfazed at the assessment. “What is it that you want now, Gil?"

Despite the light casted by some faraway lamps, there was enough darkness in the room that Gilgamesh’s crimson eyes shone brightly under the dim light. At Hakuno’s question, the glint of cunning appeared in them.

He straightened himself, caught her face in his hands-

“I want _everything_.”

\- and pulled her down to his lips. She leaned in, pressing him down again to the couch in a wordless demand.

* * *

Much to her surprise, things _did_ get steadily calmer after that, although she still got the occasional complaint every now and then. In the end, watching the King of Uruk and his friend haggle over the poor brunette that went by the name of Hakuno Kishinami became the new nightmarish normal, and every time she saw Hakuno, Gudako fucking swore to whatever deity was merciful enough to listen to her that it was to see her covered in yet more golden jewels and adornments that a human could possibly walk with, until the woman, as to be expected, could barely walk without some difficulty, but this time Gudako didn’t even question it, mainly because this was the most indulgent she’s seen Archer being since his friend’s arrival and she wasn’t going to question miracles when they presented themselves right in front of her very eyes, and also because she had a feeling she didn’t really want to get in the way of whatever shitfuckery those three had between each other.

As for Hakuno herself, she was spending the rest of what little time she had with the clay being in the training rooms, trying to improve her grasp on magic after so many years of being unused, and seemed to be doing just fine. One might even say she was thriving, even, considering how morose she looked the first time she woke up alone in that makeshift room. There were some occasions that she saw her lingering by the library or by the recording room chatting with Hans every now and then, reading and whatnot.

As such, given the state of things, Gudako let it all slide and pretended that that conversation some weeks ago didn’t happen at all and that everything was right in the world. She just hoped that whatever it was that Hakuno chose to do from now on, it wouldn’t inevitably backfire on any of them.

Unfortunately, Gudako soon found out that those would be her famous last words.

It was a slow morning at Chaldea, and given the importance of said facilities as a whole, one would think the place would be brimming with activity, no matter the time and the circumstances, but no; it just so happened that things had been unusually calm and despite how important of a duty they had before mankind, for the most part, no new incidents were being detected and even the summoning of new Servants had also slowed down as a result.

Either way, it meant that its official Master, Gudako, had a lot of downtime on her hands.

At the moment, she was killing time with two of her regular gamblers and constant source of headaches; Gilgamesh, demonstrating time and time again that all the bad things other Servants said about him were mostly true, and Enkidu, who wasn’t really much helping her cause because they were constantly enabling him in his schemes. Something worth remarking was that there was no sight of Hakuno hanging anywhere close as she usually always did wherever those two were concerned, which in retrospect should have alerted Gudako that something was definitely calling for disaster. Still, she was tired of being a cop, and because this was the closest to having a moment of respite she’s ever had in what had to be months of constant nagging, she didn’t much think of anything else.

Besides, what was the worse that could happen? Archer being stupidly territorial over Nero Claudius trying to give Hakuno a hair-do like it happened two weeks ago? She could manage that.

The three of them were lounging around the common area, the place unusually empty, although perhaps that had all to do with the people who were currently occupying said place. Gilgamesh had brought a pack of cards from…somewhere inside that dimension of his, and they were now playing some mindless game to pass the time.

It was Gilgamesh’s turn now, but he was taking his sweet time with it. Then again, though, he always did. Being the drama king that he was, he adored the concept of making people antsy over him regardless of context. 

Gudako’s fingers tapped impatiently against the metallic surface of the elongated table they were sitting by, waiting for Gilgamesh to pick a damned card, but luckily Enkidu decided to voice her thoughts for her before she said something that she would be made to regret later.

"Gil, you're taking longer than you usually would," the clay being observed.

“Shush," he responded pleasantly, voice still somewhat thick with sleep. "Some things are not to be rushed, my friend."

Enkidu chuckled.

"Had a long night?”

Enkidu got one long yawn in response.

It was actually amazing just how much the clay being could red him with just a single glance. She was almost jealous of it, even. It was one ability she would like to have as well.

“Not as much as I would have desired.” His lips curled in distaste, as if he were recalling a foul memory. “I would still be indulging, in fact, had it not been for that damned child version of mine.” Gilgamesh grumbled. “Woke me up and took me away from my delight with his idiotic announcements and he wouldn't stop yelling. The damned little shit; if someone came out one day to shoot at him, then good riddance. It would be about time someone got to knock him down,” he said, the last of his sentence dissolving into another yawn. “Enkidu, my friend, was it really a three what you laid there before?"

“Hm… " Enkidu muttered in a slow tone, expression betraying nothing. Then, finally, the clay being said, "why don't you go look and find out?" 

Which of course he would do. Gilgamesh then took the last of the cards sitting in the pile between them, and after inspecting it, he smirked and put down his pair of threes. Enkidu took the pile of cards with them after losing their gamble, and as such, out of the three of them, Archer became the one with the fewest cards in hand. His victory was almost assured. 

Gudako tsk'd, staring at her hand very intently. It was her turn now and what she had wasn't looking very encouraging.

While they waited for the redhead to make up her mind, Enkidu said,

"So that was it, then? I heard he was looking for Hakuno all this early morning, spewing something about marrying her and whatnot. Woke up the entire second dorm floor, it seems.”

Gilgamesh snorted.

“Disgraceful little thing that he is; to think that he would assume himself to be remotely resemblant to I that he would make such proclaims when he cannot even manage to make himself look remotely semi-respectable in front of others is an insult to my very namesake,” his lips curled in distaste. “Outrageous, truly.”

As she heard their conversation, Gudako stared intently at her cards. Almost too intently, as if she was waiting for some kind of Deus Ex Machina to appear and make her win by default, but none of it came and she was still stuck there with her shitty hand. Distantly, she felt she should be putting more attention to whatever it was those two were speaking about, but she had other things to worry at the moment. And besides, Gudako had, on more than one occasion, been inconvenienced by the King’s infant-self enough to know that that anything he said was to be taken with a grain of salt.

Well, whatever. As of right now, it was time to bullshit her way through this game. Now, what could possibly be a good distraction?

As if sensing her intent, Gilgamesh harrumphed at her.

“Fool, are you going to make a move already or are you trying to burn a hole through those cards with your eyes? No matter how much you look at them, it won’t make your cheating any easier. I can see through all your lies."

"Geez, I’m only _thinking_!” she snapped, playing eenie-meenie-miny-moe inside her head. 

Still waiting for Gudako to make a move, Enkidu retook the conversation.

“Say, speaking of which. Gil, where _is_ Hakuno? I have not seen her the whole day. Shouldn’t she be playing here with us?”

“Our plain fool? Probably got herself tangled into something absurd with my child self out of her own volition to do something ‘nice’ for that disgraceful little speck of nothingness, too soft of heart to see through his trickery. That, or losing her time with dusty volumes on that recording room. Whyever would you ask? Another one of those premonitions of yours, my friend?”

Enkidu simply made a humming noise at that, and when they were about to draw a card, they said, “well, it’s just that-”

"GUDAKO!"

_Huh?_

Their heads snapped in the direction of the desperate call. Gudako’s yellow eyes widened in horror when she saw a gold-and-red blur approaching full speed at her, and she had just enough time to grumble one ‘oh crap’ before it slammed right into her chest and they both were sent careening into a wall, the chair she was sitting on making a terribly loud screeching noise as it was sent reeling back until they landed in a messy heap of fallen cards and random cluttery.

Enkidu and Gilgamesh watched the whole scene unfold detachedly, as if seeing Gudako being tackled by surprise by the infant version of himself was something of a daily occurrence.

Gudako groaned and tried to put herself back together, finding the whole thing a little bit difficult because the culprit of her not-so-elegant landing against a nearby wall was now sitting on her chest and staring at her with big, panicked eyes.

"Master, you gotta help her!" Kid Gil shouted at her face. “Hakuno! Something terrible has happened! Hakuno, she’s-!”

He didn’t have the opportunity to finish that, though.

Fortunately, and in a rare act of mercy she hadn’t see the King of Heroes offer to her unless strictly necessary -although she had a feeling it wasn’t truly for her sake-, Gilgamesh rose from his seat and grabbed his child version by his collar, hauled him up and hurled him rather violently at their friend.

With a cry of alarm, Kid Gil landed on top of Enkidu’s arms as the being moved from their seat to cushion his inevitable fall, courtesy of the forces of gravity.

Once back to her feet, Gudako watched with a flat stare how Chaldea’s most notorious prankster tried to straighten himself out as Enkidu put him back on the floor, knowing for a fact that his presence always meant her day was going to get a little more annoying. She waited until she had his attention, but then Archer beat her to it.

“Very well, you undesirable little pest,” the blond hissed, nice and slow, as he looked down upon his youngest version with clear disdain. “You have exactly one minute to tell me what is going on and make it understandable."

Their unwanted guest began talking at a fast, slurred pace, going on and on about how whatever it was that had happened wasn't his _entire_ fault this time, then rambling about how Hakuno was trapped inside the summoning chamber and going on and on about how she had no possible way out that _he_ knew, only to end up prophesying their impending doom at the hands of some kind of tyrannical monster that was hoarding her away and who had shot him down when he tried to step up to her.

All of these pieces of information taken together, and considering how fast he was speaking, Gudako learned absolutely nothing of importance, but both Archer and Enkidu seemed like they had heard enough to form something slightly more coherent than what they had just heard, and so they tried to put whatever pieces that they had of his story together in hopes it would amount to something more cohesive.

“So…" Enkidu began. "You say Hakuno entered into the summoning room following one of your games, correct?”

”Yes."

“…and once inside, you say she ended up contacting with someone. Right?" Gudako interjected, voice flat.

"Uh-huh."

"…And so, in your impertinence,” Archer started then, “you simply allowed her to form a contract with whatever knocked you out of there, and now she’s trapped inside for whatever reason. Is that correct?"

Another guilty nod.

Archer made a low, growling noise of warning before hauling the kid up again by the hem of his collar.

“This is it. I stand for this no more. You are about to be burned. Your existence here was a mistake in need of rectification.”

Kid Gil squirmed under his grasp. “Let me go! This time I’m not lying, I swear!” he protested begrudgingly as his older-self took him out of the room with Gudako and Enkidu following right behind. “I can’t believe I turned out to be like you, I swear… This is so unfair!”

But Archer wasn’t much deterred, and only raised one elegant eyebrow at him. "Oh, really now?" he said, irony dripping from every word. "Oh, well, let it be. What are a few minutes of wasted time compared to the prospect of locking you inside the burning chambers should I find truth in your words?”

His child version made a grumbling noise but said nothing else.

Following Archer around, they quickly made it to the hallway to the summoning room, which true to that child’s word, remained closed tight, no matter how many master keys Gudako tried on the lock or how much Enkidu pushed and hurled at the door, as if some kind of seal had been implanted there, rendering entry impossible even by supernatural means.

Well, definitely problematic.

“Hm, Master?” Enkidu suddenly said with a dubious expression, bringing her back from her thoughts. “Would you mind moving about… five feet over there from where you stand?"

"Huh?" Gudako said, unsuspecting. "What for?"

Given past experience, she should have seen it coming.

Gudako had little time to react as a sudden golden light engulfed the hallway, one of Gilgamesh’s portals making itself manifest, and had to be dragged back by Enkidu and away from Gilgamesh’s intended path of destruction as things seemed then to happen in slow motion -glorious and very satisfying slow motion, she had to admit to herself-, their world exploding into white light and churned metal.

Gilgamesh smirked to himself as he surveyed the trench of scorched ground that now slashed its way straight across to the summoning chamber, a smoking, burning hole opened where a door once was, but triumph, it seemed, did not last for long.

Gudako looked at it. Looked back at Gilgamesh, who was already sporting an annoyed tic in his eyelid, amusement gone as he casted one look inside the room. And at the wall again.

"Did you just _fucking_ open a hole in a steel wall _again_? God- _fucking-_ damn it, Goldie, this isn't your place to just destroy whenever something pisses you off!" she said in disbelief.

But she was ignored. Gilgamesh was already making his way into the desecrated summoning chamber as she spoke, and wasn’t paying much attention to anything else but what laid before his eyes.

Gudako could sympathize with that, though. She also had no doubts that Gilgamesh would have blazed his way right through whatever was inside as well, but that would most probably endanger whoever was inside, and in that small fraction of a second that he seemed to hesitate, Gudako _sensed_ the source of his unrest.

And granted, Gudako was only a human; she had not been born a predator, and she wasn’t divine by any means, but years of fighting off vicious supernatural threats had honed and sharpened her senses. As such, she could notice things others would miss, especially things she had specially trained herself to notice, such as, for example, the all-too familiar oppressive feeling of a Servant nearby, coming from right beyond the hole in the wall, which told the redhead that whatever it was that Kid Gil had wanted them to save Hakuno from, they had been already too late for it and the damage was already done.

As the smoke cleared out, a familiar silhouette was finally made visible through the debris.

Kid Gil seemed to be just as worked up about the scenery laying before them as Archer seemed to be. "See? See!" he shouted, pointing frantically at what seemed to be a passed out Hakuno. "There she is, just like I said! I told you I wasn’t lying!"

And also true to his word, Gudako noted that Hakuno wasn’t alone. Her hand, once unmarred, was now sporting the deep-red markings that branded her as a Master, still glowing in the dimly-lit room, and right beside her, standing like some kind of ill-omen…

Archer started spewing words in a language that she couldn’t understand but that by the sound of it Gudako could definitely tell they were meant to be insulting.

Unbeknownst to anyone there, Hakuno ended up doing something that sent Archer into a spiral of tantrums the degree of saltiness of which Gudako can't remember having seen on the King at all -but oh well, Gudako guessed there was a first for everything.

As it seemed, Hakuno summoned a Caster version of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can't believe I came up with this while I was vibing to 'bury the light' for an entire week lmao. In any case, if there is something I love more than threesomes, that would have to be Gil being pissy over himself -in the most literal sense of the word- because he's the kind of special narcissist that loves himself just as much as he hates himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Gudako stared at the two identical blonds, her face twisted in confusion. Then, she took a deep breath, waiting some moments to completely make sure her stomach wasn’t going to start lurching in protest before voicing her thoughts, and once she was positively, completely sure it was safe to proceed, she said, "there is -no, _are_ , two of you. There are _two_. Of _you_." She brough a hand up, raising two fingers up to emphasize her previous observation, and repeated again, "Why. Are there. _Two of you_?"

Really now, wasn't this just a measure of how profoundly screwed up their lives have just become that now they had to think of Gilgamesh in plural? If fate really did exist, Gudako could only laugh at how much of a fickle bitch it could be.

The other version of Gilgamesh looked exactly like Gudako would imagine another Gilgamesh would look like; a blond with red eyes and a… weird sense of fashion, donning clothes that showed too much skin for no real reason or purpose whatsoever. That man was really Gilgamesh 2.0 Electric Boogaloo, ostentatious excess and everything. He even had the same sort of smug grin that Archer also had and that Gudako wouldn’t mind punching it off his face if that didn’t directly translate to being decapitated.

When they found him, he was crouching down with an unconscious Hakuno on his arms, staring at her unmoving form with a weird look, as if he was thinking very hard about something. Gudako didn’t have the slightest fucking idea why he thought it would be a good idea to seal themselves here. Either he was waiting for her to wake up before deciding if it was safe enough to proceed or, if he was anything like his Archer version, he was upset he couldn’t give her one of his trademark 30-long minute, very confusing rants over him being the best king to have ever existed and just how lucky she was to have summoned him; and Hakuno didn’t look like she was going to wake up anytime soon to listen to one of those. By the look of things, it seemed that summoning Caster had taken all of her energy.

When Caster finally looked up to them, that strange look morphed into one of mild disgust when his eyes landed on his Archer self, and then into weary mistrust mixed with bleak hope when he turned to Enkidu, like he did not wish to get his hopes high lest his expectations ended up being betrayed. Gudako saw that same look on Archer’s face when she _fucking finally_ managed to summon Enkidu into Chaldea, so she could recognize that look at least.

Caster gave the clay being one look and then said something to the effect of ‘there's no possible way that you can really be my friend’. Gudako’s not sure what his exact words were at the moment because she was still very much preoccupied trying to get to terms with the fact that she now had two Gilgameshes to worry about.

Enkidu didn’t seem the slightest bit offended by that, though. Instead, they offered Caster one of their usual pleasant smiles, eyes glinting with amusement as they pointed back at Archer, saying, “Ah, I wasn’t much expecting you to believe I am; he didn't believe I was, either.”

 _You truly must be the same_ is what they probably meant, but Gudako doubted that what they implied was settling very well in neither version of the King of Heroes, if their curled-up lips and mutual glares were anything to go by, both looking like they could single-handedly suck out the oxygen from the room.

Okay, this looked _bad_ , and the fact that Archer’s bad mood could literally be felt in the air was also troubling, although in retrospect, Gudako thought, Gilgamesh had always been unstable, delusional, mixed up, _cuckoo_ -so this upcoming temper tantrum over Hakuno summoning another him wasn't anything out of the ordinary, right? It wasn’t going to end up in half of her beloved institution to be destroyed in a flash of white, right?

…Right?

“Do not lose another second more on this inferior version of myself, Enkidu,” Archer said as he strode forward, taking deliberate steps towards Caster and his unmoving Master. “He is unworthy of your time, as he is of the woman he’s stolen from us.”

That earned another scoff from Caster, his face contorting in clear contempt before he swung his glare around to him, finally acknowledging that Archer, much to his growing disgust, actually existed and was sharing space with him. His hold on Hakuno tightened as he took her in his arms, standing up to his feet to give his younger self one contemptuous stare from the top of his nose.

“Oh? but what is this? As if being summoned at this bland, white-washed place was seemingly not enough disrespect to bring upon a grand mage such as I, what do I find here? Some unhinged version of ‘myself’, standing up before me with such distasteful manners, daring to order me around.” Caster told him with a small, challenging smile. Then his eyes turned to Hakuno, and although she was still very much passed out to even hear what he had to say, he whispered back to her, “ah, but if only you could be awake to witness how much he longs to be I, Master. I suppose I shall allow this; though I would normally not consider to waste any of my time on my younger self's antics, perhaps there is some entertainment to get from this place, after all.”

Archer glowered _harder_ , his jaw set in a way that almost seemed to say that the idea of gutting his older self and take Hakuno by sheer brute force was becoming sweeter and sweeter inside his mind the more he stared at him. Said older version of the King of Heroes, on the other hand, seemed positively delighted, like the cat that got the cream.

Gudako didn’t think it was possible, but it was happening; Archer was getting himself _angrier_ the more time he spent there, watching how that strange older version of himself had gotten exactly what he had been relentlessly trying to reclaim back, and it was the kind of angry that had its own gravitational pull, one that you could feel in the air and it was making Gudako feel physically sick.

However, for all her other faults, the redhead was certainly no coward. It was at that moment that Gudako decided to intervene before things could spiral out of control.

Or... well, at least that was the idea.

Standing between the two men glaring at each other, something that anyone insightful enough would know was tantamount to suicide, the redhead spoke,

“Okay, okay, look; as much as I would _love_ this whole place to become a monument dedicated to your sexual frustrations-” then Gudako stopped, an expression of horror coming suddenly to her face, and rectified her statement, “Actually, _no_ , nononono, _no_ , disregard this completely,” she said in a sudden rush of panic. “You guys need to put a stop to this wall-smashing gimmick you have going on, like, right _now,_ and find Jesus.”

But they didn’t even listen to her.

As he pushed past her unceremoniously, Archer Gilgamesh simply snorted and resumed being the most hostile she’s ever seen him being.

“Hand her over.”

Caster just gave him a look of smiling contempt.

“You fail to provide me with a compelling reason as to why I should. Do you believe the words of some inferior version of myself are of any meaning to me?”

Gudako’s eyes widened in befuddlement, turning to stare at Caster, then back at Archer, then at Caster again.

_What!_

This is not how this shit was supposed to go!

Archer visibly bristled, his left eyelid twitching again, and through gritted teeth, showing more self-restraint than Gudako actually gave him credit for, he seethed,

“Hand. Her. Over.”

Caster only raised one fine, elegant eyebrow, as if saying ‘ _make me_ ’, and Archer looked more than ready to take upon that challenge.

Okay, this has officially stopped being funny.

Gudako was already going to stand between the two again, but Enkidu halted her before she could, giving her a troubled look that clearly said ‘don’t do it, tread carefully’, but this looked all sorts of bad; what was she supposed to do if she couldn’t stand in the way of those two?

Whatever the farting hell this was about, it was making her lose the last of her fully-functioning braincells for the day and she couldn’t really afford the loss.

When no better options to stop this absurdness came to her mind, Gudako’s eyes rolled back in despair as a small groan escaped her lips.

Exactly when and how did this day get so wrong?

"Oh, _fuck me_."

"I'd rather not," Archer said in irritation, taking his child version, who at the moment was watching the whole exchange with a bewildered look that matched her own, by the collar of his white T-shirt.

With a yelp, mini-Gil protested at being, yet once again, hurled in a rather unceremonious way towards his older self. However, and unlike Enkidu, Caster didn’t even make an attempt to cushion his fall, and simply stepped aside as his child self fell against the floor, landing on his butt.

He straightened himself as quickly as possible, and the next thing that the youngest version of Gilgamesh saw was Archer standing in front of both him and the smirking Caster version of himself that still held onto Hakuno’s still passed out form.

“Very well, then. You two!” Archer motioned to both his child version and his older version, hands curling into fists. One portal opened, and a golden coin that fell on Kid Gil’s hand came from within. “Flip it. Heads or Tails.”

It was then Kid Gil’s turn to be confused. Blinking, he asked,

"What? Why?"

All around Archer, more golden portals began to appear, ripping open the fabric of reality. "It ought to be obvious; because I am going to burn the loser."

However, rather than being the slightest bit threatened, this just made Caster stare dully back at him.

“Once again, you fall to tired cliché. I was actually expecting something other than dull, empty threats considering that I am standing before none other than ‘myself,’ but as it seems my expectations always end up being betrayed in the end. Spare me your theatrics -if you so wish to waste my time _and_ that of my mongrel here,” Archer’s jaw tightened, “thinking you're tough enough to take me on, by all means, go right ahead. However…” coming out from his gates, a single golden tablet emerged, crackling with energy as it hovered in the air. By the look of things, he fully intended to use it. “…you'll lose. Then you'll try again and lose again. It’s a fruitless endeavor,” he said mockingly.

Archer took another step forward, head tilting up as his already dark scowl managed to become another shade darker.

“Hoh? Is that so? Well, if a more interesting match is what you seek, I would be pleased to deliver that to you. Although it might prove to be a waste of _my_ time, you hold something of mine that I intend to take back where it belongs.”

Caster gave him another flat stare, the kind of stare that went to say that Archer might as well be talking to a concrete wall. “Oh, younger self of mine, I see two problems with what you’ve just said.”

A terrifying glint of _something_ -perhaps fury, perhaps madness, perhaps even both- flashed across Archer’s eyes as he took one deliberate step closer to Caster and the still unconscious Hakuno. “And what might that be?” he grinded out.

And evenly, _nonchalantly,_ his hold on Hakuno’s form tightening only unconsciously before carefully setting her back on ground, Caster retorted,

“First, it is _my_ Master you are speaking about. These, I reckon,” he gestures at Hakuno’s markings, “are _my_ command seals,” Caster pointed out – which, okay, ignoring the clearly manipulative tone in his voice, was actually a fair enough point, but regardless of that, Caster was just another version of Gilgamesh, so of course he wouldn’t stay on the side of compromising for long, and thus it didn’t come as a surprise when he hissed, “Second…” mimicking Archer, golden ripples teared reality apart behind his back, all sorts of weapons peeking from within, itching to taste battle. “…why should I? She is my Master now, is she not?”

It was the last thing any of them heard from Caster before one of his trademark barrages were fired at Archer.

Both in retaliation and as a way to block Caster’s waves of weapons, Archer fired a similar barrage as a counterattack, eyes glowing in dangerous red, like two twin suns of fury, as he focused all of his pent-up rage on him.

The rest of that, Gudako only remembered it happen in a blur.

A furious Archer Gilgamesh chased after him, trying to shoot him down with barrage after barrage after barrage of weapons. However, and due to his growing frustration coupled with Caster’s own dexterity in dodging, none of his shots were hitting home.

As expected, Caster did not back down from the challenge, and soon enough the two were doing everything in their power to eliminate the other.

For the longest time, Gudako did not dare to move. She simply stared at the pile of debris that both the summoning room and the hallway had become as the sounds of Archer and Caster’s destruction moved further and further away.

An eerie silence settled, until Enkidu’s calm voice, too calm for what has transpired just now, broke through it, reminding Gudako of her duty as the Master of Chaldea even if a tad too late.

“Look, Master, now you have three-” another explosion, “-no, _five_ calcinated walls to report back,” Enkidu said, starting to rub circles on the redhead’s back.

At the sound of Enkidu’s voice, Gudako snapped out of her reverie. Her eyes focused once more, and suddenly feeling panicked and hysterical, she seized the clay being by their shoulders and shoved her face into theirs as she shook them side to side.

“Enkidu! Enkidu, you’re their friend! Tell those two to stop!” it was supposed to come off as a command -because, what the hell, she was still their Master even if they didn’t usually act like she was-, but it actually came out sounding like a desperate plea.

But before the clay being could give her an answer to that, Kid Gil butted in with perhaps the most lucid commentary that Gudako has heard this whole morning.

“Like they’d listen!” he said, pointing the obvious.

Gudako muttered something incomprehensible even to herself under her breath.

“Then _you_! Go fetch those two assholes before they burn this whole place to a crisp!”

As she watched the youngest version of Gilgamesh run after them, only one single thought repeated over and over in her mind.

_This is going to **suck**._

* * *

It was supposed to be another lazy day on Chaldea; another lazy day in which nothing of real importance took place. It really did seem to be one of those days, at least for Hans, as he walked through the Halls of Chaldea searching for a quiet place to occupy himself with writing yet another manuscript. The library was the obvious choice, although it offered paltry inspiration nowadays -nonetheless, it was better than nothing.

However, his plans for the day came to an unsavory stop when a thunderous _boom_ shook the entire facilities of Chaldea. A gaping hole was blown away after what was most likely a missed hit, and then what seemed to be a carbon copy of the King of Heroes emerged from within, dashing away like someone had lit a fire behind him. Mere seconds later, and clasping Ea on one hand, Archer Gilgamesh’s figure became visible through the smoke and debris, resuming his relentless pursuit after his copy.

All around them were golden portals breaking through the fabric of reality, the space around them flickering and distorting like ripples in a lake, and from within, a myriad of weapons that at first glance all looked pretty high-ranked were coming out as they blasted them off at each other.

As if from a scenery taken from a bullet hell game, the two versions of the King of Heroes threw weapon after weapon at one another faster than the eye could follow, both of them trying to outdo the other.

Archer’s face was twisted into a grimace of rage, the kind of face that told anyone unfortunate to be on a thirty-mile radius that they should probably evacuate.

However, this was not the case for Hans and one strangely amused Cú Chulainn, who just so happened to be strolling around the place when Chaldea’s Most Unwanted Servant decided to have a shootout with himself. The two of them didn’t even look surprised; they simply stared at Archer and then back at Caster as they destroyed Chaldea with detached interest like one would watch a dull, boring tennis tournament, as if Gilgamesh destroying things for no compelling reason whatsoever was actually a daily ocurrence. 

“I didn’t know our Master was holding an _Asshole Gathering Party_. I’m kinda hoping they’ve prepared booze to go with that as well.” A blazing pillar of white light tore a path of destruction towards Caster’s position, the later successful in dodging the blast by a hair’s breadth. “Will you look at that! There’s even dancing, too! Man, do I love this place.”

Looking a little bit more sullen about the events unfolding, Hans grumbled out, “How very riveting; another sociopathic, tacky piece of shit wandering around this place like he owns it.”

Caster’s eyes began glowing with gathered energy. The golden tablet hovering about him crackled with lightning before he took it in hand.

“You think that one’s housetrained at least?” Cú asked.

Another beam of pure gold, this time coming from one of Caster’s opened portals, hit Archer Gilgamesh directly in the chest and he was propelled backwards through a wall.

Hans didn’t even bat an eye.

“Unlikely.”

Hans and Cú Chulainn watched on, their eyes trained on the two battling Servants.

"Think at least they will actually manage to disintegrate each other?" the Celt wondered with the slightest tinge of _hope_ filtering through his voice.

“We can only hope,” was Hans tart reply.

Cú made a _pshh_ ’d kind of sound.

“Fucking hell, how do we even tell them apart now? I mean, fuck, class names and all that shit aside, they still look exactly the same. How do you tell one bitch apart from the other on an day-to-day basis?”

Coming from somewhere in the distance, a distraught scream of ‘ _mind the fucking walls_!’ could be faintly heard.

Hans sighed tiredly.

“That is fairly easy,” he said then with a certain air of detachedness, still watching dispassionately as the two versions of the King of Uruk went at each other without much care for private property, looking as if he didn’t think the whole scene seemed taken out from someone’s schizophrenic fantasy. Lazily, he raised one arm to point at Archer, “His name will be ‘Ass’-,” and then moved to point at Caster, “-and his, ‘Hole’.”

* * *

_…’am going to burn the loser…_

_…That is my Master you speak about…_

_…does this asshole even know what a door is…_

_…ou hear me? Hakuno, can yo…_

A deeper darkness flooded her mind as she tried to find her way back into consciousness. Distant-sounding voices kept talking to her but she couldn’t quite make them out to form a coherent picture. It was confusing.

_…she's still not waking up…_

"Hakuno!"

Finally, this one last voice was loud enough to fully get Hakuno’s attention and drag her from the depths of unconsciousness.

She opened her eyes slowly, squinting at the bright fluorescent lights that were only made all that brighter because everything around her was white.

She was laying on the ground, held by Gudako’s arms as she roused from unconsciousness. Enkidu was laying there as well, surveying a wound in her head that she had probably sustained when she passed out.

"Oh, _fucking-_ finally, you’re awake," Gudako, she recognized, said. “Hakuno, you okay? C'mon, say something!"

"Mwhu," she managed to mumble.

“Okay, good, good, _good,_ that’s a start,” she heard her say, words slurred together due to her panic. “I was starting to get worried, y’know.”

Hakuno tried to compose herself enough to give Gudako an answer to that, however it was much more difficult in practice than it was in theory. Her exhaustion was a feeling that seemed to never end, as if someone had hit her in the head with a sledgehammer.

Slowly, Hakuno pulled herself to a sitting position with the help of both Gudako and Enkidu, but her head still throbbed with every little movement that she made. She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a fit of coughing.

"Whoa, easy there," the redhead said, lightly slapping her back.

Then, giving Enkidu one confused glance and then Gudako another, she croaked, "…What happened?"

Gudako didn’t give her an answer to that, though. Looking tired and grim, the redhead motioned her to look down with a small nod of her head.

Which Hakuno did.

The brunette casted her eyes down toward the direction Gudako was pointing her to and… froze.

Command Seals.

In her hand.

She was having several thousand different feelings rushing through her head, so many that it was a little difficult to settle just for one. However, eventually, she chose to express one of the most prominent.

“Oh, _fuck me_.” She said grimly, eyes rolling back.

Gudako laughed wryly.

“Yeah, I know, right?”

“How did this even happen?”

Gudako looked at her dubiously, and said,

“I don’t think this is really the best time for a Q and A session. We're kinda in the middle of something here…”

Hakuno frowned at her, not really following as she struggled to remember. Everything that happened after making it inside the summoning room felt… so distant. The fragments of her memory were diffused in her confusion, but ever so slowly they started to gradually piece themselves together until forming a much clearer picture.

Well, it wasn’t really all that much of a clear picture, but it was something.

…She remembered chasing after Kid Gil for a game of hide and seek.

She also remembered getting inside the summoning room looking out for him.

Remembered the machinery there malfunctioning, remembered the whole place start flashing in white as a circle was drawn beneath her feet.

And… Oh. _Yeah_. Of course. She remembered the uncanny, burning feeling of those command seals searing into her flesh before fading out of consciousness.

Then she noticed something out of place in all of this. “Wait,” she said with a cough. “Where’s Gil?”

Gudako gave out another of her mirthless laughs, only this one bordered on hysterics.

“Oh, yeah, about that; you know, the usual-”

A very definite sound reached Hakuno’s ears. One that she could recognize very well. It sounded like something akin to an explosion, and it happened somewhere close to where they stood.

What was happening?

“He’s trying to kill your Servant.”

Oh.

Right.

Hakuno nodded, unblinkingly staring back at Gudako.

That sounded just like Gil alright.

“…Who just so happens to be himself in the most literal sense of the word,” Enkidu added, seemingly wholly unconcerned about having two different versions of the same man wreaking havoc around Chaldea, “although they certainly look a little different from each other.” They gave a blasé shrug, their small smile never leaving their face. "Still close enough."

Of course.

That sounded-

Wait.

 _What_.

The air was once again filled with smoke. Behind Gudako, Gilgamesh came flying through a hole in a wall, landing on his feet as he reached his hand out for an axe as it came out from one of those golden portals of his.

Oh.

Hakuno squinted at him, trying to get a better glimpse at him through the dust and the smoke.

The turban thing was a new addition, though, wasn’t it?

However, the brunette wasn’t left much time to reflect on her unofficial servant’s strange sense of fashion, however, because at that exact moment, the child version of her Servant came propelling backwards from the same destroyed wall that Gilgamesh came out from, and following suit like a bundle of fury was… her own Gilgamesh, flashy golden armor and unmistakable spiky hair to go with it, all disgruntled-looking like he was about to reduce that other version of himself to a speck of dust.

“Shit _fuck_ , min-Gil! I completely forgot about him!” one distraught Gudako shouted as her eyes fell on the injured and most probably passed-out child Servant. “Hakuno, c’mon, we can’t afford to lose more time on this! Hakuno?”

But Hakuno wasn’t listening, too focused staring at the other two.

And she stared.

And stared.

For a moment, Hakuno felt like someone had punched her in the gut. In fact, her mind had been forced to a stop and she was currently in the midst of performing a reboot sequence, trying to process everything that was happening. Fortunately, the redhead clapped her hands in front of her face before she could lose it again.

“Hakuno? Oi, Hakuno! Are you still with us?”

Hakuno swallowed thickly and nodded. 

She was. More or less, at least.

After that, and with Enkidu’s help, she pushed herself to her feet again and the trio dashed towards where Kid Gil was laying unmoving to check up on him.

By the look of things, he hadn’t fared all that well from that assault. It seemed that trying to one-up those other two had made him run out of all of his energy.

"Yo, mini-Gil, are you okay?" Gudako asked as she prodded the cheek of the semi-unconscious boy, Enkidu prodding at the other.

When they got no answer, Hakuno decided to take a more direct approach. She flipped Kid Gil over and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him lightly. "Gil! Are you okay? Say something! Gil?"

And finally, the first words came out.

"… _I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky_ …" he sang, completely out of his mind.

_Huh?_

Gudako and Hakuno exchanged a look of confusion whereas Enkidu snickered at him.

After what almost seemed to be an eternity, Gudako sighed tiredly.

“Well,” she started, sucking in a deep breath before letting it out slowly, raising her hands up in the air in a gesture one would assume meant ‘I give up’. “I guess we can only hope that none of his braincells were killed in the process. It’s not like he can afford to lose more gray matter."

Hakuno shook her head violently; they certainly didn’t have time for this.

She turned to Enkidu then, clasping their hands in hers.

“If they keep going like this, they will end up destroying the upper floors. We must do something now.”

Enkidu gave her a look that she recognized as the one they made when facing a decision that they knew would backfire sometime later, but Hakuno was resolute. Granted, it wasn’t the best idea that she’s ever had, but they didn’t have many more options before one of them either reduced the place to a burning crisp or managed to hurl hard enough to make the other disappear, and she had already lost Archer once; she wasn’t about to lose him again for something this stupid.

Hakuno nodded her head as a sign of encouragement, and after that there was no further argument, no more questions -and you know, if it weren’t for the fact that it was Gudako who held on Enkidu’s command seals, one would be inclined to think Hakuno was their actual Master, and it was in moments such as these that Gudako had to wonder what, exactly, was that certain piece of Hakuno’s past with those two that she’s not been told about.

The two of them ran towards another smoking impact zone, where the two versions of Gilgamesh continued their relentless clash of swords. Enkidu gently placed their hands on Hakuno’s shoulder. At the gentle touch, their fingers began glowing with a sparkling light. Meanwhile, Hakuno’s command seals glowed dimly as they seemed to be gathering power.

“Planning on using one of those?” They said pleasantly to Hakuno, a knowing, conniving glint dancing around their eyes.

Their former Master gave them a small smile. “Perhaps I am.”

Enkidu’s teeth flashed as they smiled back. "Good."

As for Gudako, she could only watch as the light around the two became brighter and brighter and a set of chains, defying all rules of logic and physics, materialized from thin air, coming out from small portals much resembling those of the Gates of Babylon, and lunged right toward the two Gilgamesh faster than anything had any right to, like a bright-as-white lasso leaving a silvery trail of light in its wake.

None of them had the time to protest, too lost in the heat of battle; faster than they could blink and react, the chains twisted around the two blonds like a kudzu vine, and while they did seem to make an attempt to dodge and break free, Enkidu was that much faster, and chose exactly that moment to dash towards them to shove them back in time for them to be struck against each other, skulls impacting against one another’s.

Hakuno dashed right towards the three of them, Gudako chasing right after her, having the definite feeling something bad would definitely come out of this stunt of theirs just by taking a brief glimpse at Archer’s bright red eyes, which had lost all of his startled confusion from earlier and now only blazed with hatred as he fought against the tight hold of the chains of heaven, trying to break free to no avail and fully intending to finish what he started.

The chains untwisted from around Caster to set him free, only to then cling around Archer’s wrists to suspend his arms in the air, rendering him unable to use his hands or move away as Enkidu seemed to share the same thought with her just now.

And… well, if Hakuno saw the danger in him, she didn’t really mind it one bit, because she decided that _that_ was the best moment to stand right in front of Archer and Caster’s slumped back form as the latter stared at her with testing eyes. Hakuno, of course, being the absolutely crazy woman that she was, turned herself around, staring right back at him and, looking equally challenged, she said,

“This is enough. As your Master, I command you to put a halt on any attempts at endangering Archer Gilgamesh’s life within these walls.”

She winced when she said that, the burning sensation on her hand that she had felt back when she summoned Caster coming back in full-force but lasting a few seconds at most.

After that, an impenetrable silence settled between all of them as one of Hakuno’s command seals disappeared in a blur of red before their eyes. Only the sound of their ragged breaths could be heard in the pregnant silence that hanged around them.

It took Caster some extra moments of pondering to actually realize what Hakuno had used her command seals for, and when realization seemed to finally dawn on him, his eyes blazed up with a new fire that Gudako could already tell was pure, undulated spite -after all, she’s seen that same look on Archer’s eyes way too many times not to know what that was.

Well, that was just peachy; now Archer wasn’t the only one who was pissed about this whole ordeal. Now that Caster version of himself that Hakuno had summoned looked _pissed_ and more than ready to go as well.

“…Mongrel, what do you think you are doing?” Caster Gilgamesh hissed venomously exactly in the way someone who felt _betrayed_ would do, and it’s so fucking ridiculous -shouldn’t Archer be the one feeling betrayed? Gudako can’t understand a thing from this. “Step aside, do not concern yourself so with his childishness. I’m getting us rid from a liability.”

“But it does concern me,” Hakuno stubbornly argued back.

God-fucking-grief, these two. Why do they have to make things so difficult?

Stepping in front of a pissed-off Gilgamesh was tantamount to suicide, Hakuno knew that much, but she had run out of options to stop him before he and his newly arrived Caster self calcinated Chaldea in an attempt to kill each other. Now she just hoped that this could be enough to appease him so that they could make as much sense of this as possible.

“…Hakuno, do listen to that fool of a Caster that stands behind you and step aside.”

…It wasn’t looking all that good, though.

“I won’t if that means you are going to hurt him,”

Gurgling with frustration, unable to break free from his shackles, Gilgamesh snapped back, “I’m not planning on _hurting him_ ; I’m attempting to _murder him_ , Hakuno, there’s a definite semantic distinction to that and I’m not done attempting. Cease this foolishness at once, and move.”

Hakuno ignored just how nonsensical that sounded and remained exactly where she was. This had to be one of those techniques of hers to keep herself calm and stable when around him because _holy shit_ that look on his face looked positively _scary_. Gudako could tell that, if not for the chains, nothing would stop Archer from striding forward and pull Caster’s head right off of his body, and she was sure too that Caster was feeling the same way by how he was eyeing the pair -it was taking an inordinate amount of willpower not to retaliate.

God bless command seals, Gudako thought grimly to herself.

“Kill first, ask questions never?” Hakuno asked dryly, taking a few more steps closer.

Archer growled lowly and Gudako swears to everything that was dear to her that the temperature in the room dropped by a few degrees.

“There shall be dues to pay for this,” he hissed at her.

Hakuno put her arms on his shoulders, leaning in until their foreheads were pressed together, and said, “I was already counting on it.”

Gilgamesh struggled against the chains once, then twice as Hakuno reached her hands up to his face and moved her fingertips around his temples as if she were nursing an upcoming headache, trying to ease the scowl that was on his face.

…And well, guess what, it was actually working? Hakuno dropped her hands to cup at his jaw, the blond turning to briefly kiss one palm, and Gudako’s apprehension melted away as she was suddenly struck with the very sudden urge to run away from that place as fast as she could and never come back as things went from threatening to positively awkward in less than a fraction of a second.

She watched the whole thing unfold with the best poker face that she could make and groaned inside her head. _That_ was definitely something she didn’t want to see.

 _What the hell?_ Was constant horniness a medical condition or was this something intrinsic to Sumerians alone? She would have to ask Nightingale for that because she was starting to think it was indeed a sickness -which would actually explain _a lot_ of things.

Why couldn’t they just stop being horny for one day? This is why they couldn’t have nice things.

Caster straightened himself and made an attempt to stride forward towards the pair, but then he was suddenly held back in a grip so tight it bordered on painful.

“Uh-uh-uh," Enkidu chastised the struggling mage. “You have to play nice, Gil. Even there are some things I can’t let you get away with, my friend.”

And unable to break from the clay being’s tight grasp, Caster stared at his younger self with resentful eyes. His hands shook with the very palpable desire to do something -Gudako couldn’t tell what that something was but by the look of things it wouldn't be something pleasant. However, seemingly unable to do anything else, he settled for gritting his teeth instead, and Gudako was more than content with that.

“This is absurd,” she heard him say disdainfully, sending Archer a glare, an action that was then returned by a triumphant, shit-eating grin, before his attention returned back to Hakuno, either unaware of the murderous air hanging around her Servants, official and unofficial, or simply pretending to be.

However, what seemed to be the beginning of a very awkward moment that Gudako really didn’t want to see or play any part on was promptly interrupted when Hakuno’s face started to look somewhat strained. Since Archer Gilgamesh’s arms were still chained with no possible way for him to move them, Hakuno had no other choice but to cling weakly onto him as her knees buckled and failed to keep her upright. 

“Hakuno!”

Considering that using magic didn't usually tax her as heavily it usually did when Enkidu was lending her their power, this was somewhat odd.

Almost immediately, the shackles that had been keeping Gilgamesh’s arms unmoving and suspended in the air dematerialized in a faint burst of white light, and finally unbounded, the blond took the fallen woman in his arms in a grip so tight it must be hurting her more than it was comforting her.

He shook her a few times, but he was only successful in earning a few tired grunts out of her. 

“Hakuno?” Enkidu asked, moving away from Caster and rushing to the brunette’s side, crouching down next to Archer as they rested a hand on her forehead. “What's wrong?”

"Don't know," she mumbled back. “It’s just that… suddenly, I feel like something is… pushing me… in.”

However, it was already too late to ask her to elaborate on that, because just as she said that, Hakuno surrendered to the lure of sleep, and as if being anesthetized, she slowly lost consciousness; no amount of shaking and cheek-slapping seemed to work to rouse her from that unrelenting darkness.

Caster, Hakuno’s rightful Servant for all intents and purposes, was slumped over the floor and was looking equally strained himself.

The redhead felt the very familiar urge of screaming into the void.

Gudako knew it, she just knew that this was going to _suck_. It was very clear to her what had just happened now, and she couldn’t quite decide on where to begin explaining.

Letting out a long, put-upon sigh, trying to cling to whatever sense she could find in all of this as she pinched the bridge of her nose, Gudako said, “Alright—the lot of you, with me. Now.”

* * *

The crazy idiot had tired herself out by using _and_ providing more magic than her body was able to make on its own. Had she gone a little further on her very ludicrous use of mana and perhaps Gudako wouldn’t have to deal with two Gilgameshes at all.

Fortunately, Chaldea was equipped with enough resources to keep her magic levels stable enough that they shouldn’t worry about Servants disappearing into the ether due to mana deprivation -although that was just a shame because this would have taken care of _two_ of her biggest problems at once.

Gudako brought them to the infirmary and with Nightingale’s help she laid Hakuno, who still pretty much looked like she’s seen better days, on an isolated bed where she would receive what Gudako believed to be an absurdly comical amount of mana in the form of an IV transfusion as per Nightingale’s instructions.

And okay, sure Gudako can understand that -Hakuno’s mana was not precisely the strongest out here, and even if it was not intentional, she had lost enough mana when she summoned Caster, and then lost even more of that to him when Archer took his bait and the two decided to have a battle to the death inside of Chaldea. Of course, there are certain limits that should not be crossed so as not to put one’s Master’s life in peril, and those two had crossed all of them without a worry in the world, but still… that was a ridiculous amount of mana Nightingale was infusing within her magic circuits.

The redhead casted a sideway glance at Hakuno’s sleeping form, grimly wondering just how much the ever-greedy King of Heroes took from her in the form of what she could only imagine had to be copious amounts of mana transfers.

Gudako shuddered.

God- _fucking_ -dammit, she was going to give that poor woman a bear hug when she recovered, her voracious self-proclaimed Servant be damned.

A disgruntled Nightingale sat on one of the chairs around the infirmary room, arms crossed and head tilted as she asked in a voice so unnervingly calm it made Gudako actually fear for her own physical integrity, and she wasn’t even the one receiving the lecture, “Do tell me, King of Heroes, because clearly there must be something I must be missing. I'm confused, I'm angry, and most importantly, I'm _armed_ ,” she said, holding three syringes between her fingers on her right hand like a set of throwing knives. “Do the both of you enjoy shitting on my place? Does it give you a thrill? Is this what this is?”

The two Kings of Uruk said nothing to that. Red, hooded eyes stared back at the nurse of Chaldea in silent challenge, as if they were both planning on throttling her and leave with the unconscious girl in the back who was now receiving a mana transfusion, blissfully unaware of the shitstorm she’s got herself into, and Gudako broke out into cold sweat.

 _How is this my life_ , Gudako thought to herself in despair.

“I shall allow just one person per box until I deem her ready to leave; this is unnegotiable,” the nurse said, harsh and unwavering as her eyes moved to affix Archer Gilgamesh with a glare of her own. “King of Heroes, I shall leave you only but a few minutes alone. When I come back, I want this room to be perfect.”

* * *

Absolute nothingness stretched in every direction. She might have blinked or twitched in her sleep, but she couldn’t really tell. Trying to get herself out of the lull of unconsciousness seemed harder than she first thought, as the deeper darkness she was engulfed in seemed to go on and on and on.

At the very least, though, she was not alone in her nothingness.

The bed groaned in protest as a weight climbed up next to her. She turned around and curled instinctively up next to that warmth, holding their arm hostage while her brain could only flail helplessly, trying to rouse from the darkness that flooded her mind.

She heard a muffled chuckle in the distance, and then a sly voice saying “still fighting,” but the words swirled in the emptiness where her consciousness was supposed to be.

Fingers brushed against her skin, following the curve of her jaw to move up to trace around her cheek.

“Hakuno,” that same voice called out for her once more, and it was closer now, close enough that Hakuno should be able to see the person it belonged to, but her vision was still blurred.

Hakuno fought for focus, trying to push the remaining sense of lingering fuzziness away from her mind by trying to concentrate all of her attention on that single echoing voice, something that was much more difficult than it sounded at first.

However, that was exactly what seemed to do the trick, as the voice started to get louder and louder until Hakuno was finally able to drag herself from the deeper depths of her mind.

She opened her eyes just a crack, squinting at how white and bright everything was around her. Her thoughts were still fogged in a haze of confusion, but at the very least she was having a coherent thought process once again, and she could finally find it in herself to move her body around.

When she finally woke up, taking a quick glance around her surroundings, it was to find herself inside the infirmary ward, surrounded by sterile-white furniture and all sorts of monitoring machinery around her. There was an IV stuck inside her arm. It hurt so much to move.

Odd.

“Hakuno,” the voice called out once more, coming from above her, this time more insistently, and immediately after, warmth surrounded her face.

As her eyesight cleared, it only took a moment for her to realize that the twisting shadow that hovered above her and that was calling her by her name was none other than Gilgamesh, who was now sitting besides her, leaning down and cupping her face with a hand as the other pressed against the hard mattress to support his weight. 

Now that her vision was starting to clear, she could also see that Gilgamesh wasn’t in his best shape either, even if he wouldn’t be willing to admit it himself. There was a deep cut along his left brow, his arms were littered in bruises everywhere the eye could see and she had to guess if the reason as to why he was wearing a simple black shirt instead of his usual white tee along with his tacky snake-printed trousers had something to do with the fact that he had probably been injured along his chest as well and did not wish to stain his clothes with blood.

“Gil…? Wha… what happened…?" she managed to mumble through swollen lips, frowning.

Slowly and painfully, Hakuno tried to pull herself up, every movement making her body throb with pain, but Gilgamesh stopped her before she could hurt herself more and she was forced to lay back once again against the mattress.

She was about to protest, but Gilgamesh shot her down with a quelling look before he went full exposition mode.

“In your endless foolishness, you fell for one of my child self’s schemes and somehow summoned me some useless Caster version of myself -and folly though it was, he took more of you than he could chew in some vain attempt to outpower me,” he explained dispassionately with just the slightest tinge of bitterness seeping through, waving a hand in a dismissive gesture. “As it might be quite obvious, now I must see myself forced to endure the penury of waiting for your prompt recovery because you ran out of mana to provide to some undeserving version of myself; however, unsightly as it is for a king such as I to be reduced to the role of nursemaid, not to mention the flagrant injury that having some underrated version of myself trample over my belongings supposes to my very kingship, I must see to it that my foolish wife returns to her former strength. Hence why you are here, instead of covering my body with yours in our private quarters as you dutifully should, begging for my forgiveness for this utmost disrespect.”

Hakuno felt her head spin a little after that.

That’s… why did he have to be so fucking wordsy all the time? Would it physically hurt him if he, for once, made things simple and easy to understand?

"Your concern fulfils me, Gil," Hakuno deadpanned up to him. “How has Enkidu dealt with you all this time on a day-to-day basis, I will never know.”

"You must mean you would have loved to be in their place all this time you’ve been absent. Is that not so, Hakuno?"

Hakuno was unmoved.

"I was under the impression I already had a place to be,” the brunette replied without even attempting to hide the sarcasm, reaching a hand to his cheek for a moment, stroking very softly across his skin.

Gilgamesh smirked and took her hand in his, sliding it over his jaw before pulling it away and back against the mattress.

“Do be careful with using those conniving charms of yours, Hakuno, or else you might be finding yourself quenching my thirst,” he started again, mimicking her earlier actions - placing a hand on her cheek, then sliding it over her throat to trace down the outline of her collarbone. “Although should those be your true intentions, I am expecting to be given tenfold the amount that foolish older self of mine has been inwardly receiving out of you, as it should also be obvious.”

Hakuno bit the inside of her cheek at the touch, unconsciously tilting her head up.

“Gil—”

He hummed in non-verbal questioning, leaning down until his forehead rested atop of hers. Their lips touched just barely, offering not very much yet but promising so much more.

“Is this still too overwhelming for you?” he asked thickly, low and tentative, laying his hand just above the curve of her breast, feeling the frantic thud of her heart. “Because I will take from you. If you want me to—I would not bring harm upon you.”

She gave out a broken snort of laughter at that. Of course she’d want to; despite his shameless excess, there was nothing that she wouldn’t want to give or receive from the avaricious King of Heroes.

“No; I want you to,” Hakuno said, shaking her head and gazing up at him with such sincerity that it almost hurt to look at, reaching out and take his face in her hands and kiss him.

It actually probably was; she could still feel the aftereffects of being deprived of mana and that IV was not drip-dropping her enough of it for that swift recovery Gilgamesh was expecting from her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care -and while she might be paying the price of becoming reckless, she thought this was a small price to pay for what they did.

She heard him murmur her name indulgently, and she was vaguely aware that she’d put her arms around his neck without actually meaning to. The IV stings, but she didn't care.

Hakuno felt a pleasant numbness take over her body when his lips pressed against hers, gentle though the touch was -lacking the usual intensity and urgency with which he usually kisses her. The tiniest moan came out of her, and as if emboldening him, he pushed her a little harder against the bed, sucking on her bottom lip. He had one hand on the side of her neck, and the other was on her cheek, cupping it as he supported his entire weight on a knee.

Roughly about the point where she felt him mouth her neck it occurred to her that maybe, just maybe, making out with Gilgamesh in the midst of a mana transfusion, _in the infirmary room,_ with Nightingale probably waiting _outside_ wasn’t that good of an idea. 

Feebly, trying to convince herself that the only reason she had a hand buried in his hair was because she was meaning to get him off her, she started, “Gil—Gil. You can’t just— not that much—I’m _sore_ ,” Hakuno insisted, slightly incoherent.

“Don’t tell me now that you’d appreciate my attention elsewhere,” he murmured against her skin in that superior lilt of his that always managed to make her second-guess why was she so fond of him in the first place.

However, showing a sudden burst of both restraint and self-respect, Hakuno managed to ask, just slightly breathless herself, “Gil—does Nightingale actually know you’re planning on thrashing her place? Because I’m not dealing with that later.”

And that seemed to do the trick.

Gilgamesh sighed noisily, the vibration of his voice feeling oddly enticing against her neck.

Hakuno took that as a ‘no’.

“Must you always ruin such complacent moments with paltry concerns?” losing the edge of his foreplay, Gilgamesh removed himself from her, going back to sit beside her by the edge of the bed, looking somewhat resentful that he had been denied. “Besides, the idea of having an audience obviously excites you, and considering that nothing of real importance has changed us so, there is nothing else you should concern yourself with,” he added then, totally without shame as though that was supposed to make her feel _better_.

Hakuno squeezed her eyes shut for a moment in baffled confusion, trying to make sense of his words. “Really? _Nothing at all_?”

He looked at her quizzically, as if _she_ was the one who wasn't making any sense. “You and I both still remain here; sure that mongrel contractor of ours _still_ has not surrendered her command seals back to you just yet, and perhaps there is now some meager _pest_ bearing my face to concern myself about, but that would only be _incidental._ And well... credit where credit's due, these facilities still stand in place,” and the way he said that last part sounded like there had been the very tangible possibility that they _wouldn’t_.

“You were trying to kill _yourself_ ,” she said flatly.

That earned her a scoff.

“Ah, but that is not _my_ fault, now is it?” Gilgamesh said acidly, shooting her a look of utmost resentment. “I reckon it was _you_ who brough that accursed version of myself into this place, unasked if I must add; I have no need for unruly Casters or any other Servants of any kind. Your touch should be reserved to I alone, and thus, if anything, the only person who should be paying penance for this atrocious, impudent act against my namesake is none other but the foolish woman who is now bedridden on some god-forsaken cubicle stinking of disinfectant.”

The brunette stared at him, open-mouthed.

“This is ill-suited, Hakuno. I’m blaming you for this,” he added petulantly.

Hakuno sighed. She really had to wonder why she kept bothering with him after all this time.

She spent the next hour or so trying to make Gilgamesh understand, using very simple words, that Chaldea wasn't his to destroy and that she would very much prefer it if he stayed away from Caster.

And when Gilgamesh actually pretends to sit back and listen to all of that with his arms folded against his chest, Hakuno actually deludes herself into thinking that her speech was actually getting through his thick skull, even when he's glaring at her _resentfully_ with pursed lips like she’d somehow _stuck_ him with Caster and that everything that has happened and will happen was somehow all her fault now -which it might be to some extent, but she couldn’t be held responsible for _accidents_ that were out of her control.

She still had her doubts Gilgamesh actually understood that what he was doing -keeping her away from everyone he believes might hold amorous feelings for her- was morally ambiguous at best, but at least he agreed on most of her terms, one of them being that he’d avoid confronting Caster as long as Caster avoided him as well, but she had a feeling that that wouldn’t be enough at all.

* * *

Surprising absolutely no one, Hakuno's spider sense was proved right when Archer and Caster's unspoken armistice was breached barely twenty-four hours after it was settled.

What a time to be alive.

* * *

The new nightmarish normal was even more _nightmarish_ than the first, Gudako came to realize soon enough.

Almost a month passed by after that fateful incident, and… well. Apparently, Caster Gilgamesh only needed to stay a few weeks with Hakuno to warm up to her enough that he would come unannounced at Chaldea’s control room to tell Gudako that he -unilaterally, of course- decided that he would not cooperate in any way with the Chaldeans unless he was paired with Hakuno in training simulations, _at all times_. Sure, Gudako could understand that; a Master and a Servant should stay together at least to the extent that the existence of one depended on the mana and the well-being of the other, so of course that he would wish to be paired with her and train her magic made sense to Gudako at the moment.

…However, the caged lion Hakuno keeps in her room was not so amused by this unexpected turn of events, and so, to the usual endless list of complaints that she was already getting from other Servants on _him,_ she also had to add now those that came directly from Archer Gilgamesh himself, which could all be briefly summarized as ‘ _you must burn Caster right away and if it is not by your hand it shall be by mine’_ , to which of course, Gudako had to refuse; one, because he wasn’t even her Servant to care about, and second because she had to admit that Caster was making himself to be much more bearable than Archer was -it has been roughly a month since he landed on Chaldea as Hakuno’s Servant and he was actually… not _that_ terrible? Then again, Gudako’s expectations had been so incredibly low that that was hardly an accomplishment.

Sure, fine, Caster seemed to be a workaholic even in death -working on _what,_ Gudako didn’t have the slightest idea about-, and he was constantly falling asleep on retarded places around Chaldea, but that was so much better than having someone punching holes into walls because of the slightest inconvenience, or belittling almost the entire roaster of Chaldea by being an arrogant piece of shit all the time simply because he could -not to mention that a Caster was precisely what Hakuno needed to train her mana. It was a match made in heaven, only Archer didn’t think quite the same.

Archer wasn’t amused by the fact that she decided to keep pairing Hakuno with Caster for training sessions either instead of him or the clay being as usual, but _c’mon_ , what was Gudako supposed to do? It was obvious that what an untrained mage such as Hakuno needed was another trained mage to teach her, not an enabling trickster Lancer or an avaricious, overly-indulging Archer with barely no concept of self-restraint. She didn’t want Hakuno to pass out _again_ because her mana was so weak from unuse she couldn't even provide basic support.

It really should be ridiculous to be _so butthurt_ over one version of yourself, but apparently Gilgamesh’s usual policy of not sharing anything of his with anyone, his friend being the only exception to that rule known to date, paradoxically also extended to himself. And though the dramatic irony of Hakuno getting contracted to another him was certainly delicious, it was a fucking hassle to deal with.

Once again, talking proved to be an ineffective method of approach and the redhead had to ask herself why she was even bothering with it again when she already knew by previous experience that all of this was just an exercise in futility. Archer was not completely unreasonable, sure, but as of right now there was another Servant that he believed was trespassing and potentially compromising his exclusive rights on Hakuno Kishinami, and Gudako knew he would make a path of destruction if he so much had the slightest proof that anyone was trying to touch what was his by right.

On the other hand, and whilst Caster didn’t seem to be as focused on destruction as his Archer self was, he also considered that insofar he was Hakuno’s Servant, he was within his right to have his Master however he wished to, so while he _did_ seem to come to reason when she spoke to him about Chaldea’s duty before mankind and how they would have to pretend he was _her_ Servant and not Hakuno’s, he still had this certain cunning look in his eyes that Gudako has come to both recognize and _dread_ to see on Archer many, many times before, one that basically said that he was definitely planning something that was going to anger Archer further and most probably cause mayhem amongst the rest of Hakuno’s thirsty hoard, whatever it was.

If she didn’t know any better, Gudako would feel inclined to think he was mildly familiar with the brunette, but that was ridiculous -well, let her rephrase that; by all fucking means it _should_ be ridiculous, but so was most everything about Hakuno’s life, both past and present -for fuck’s sake, she likes _Archer’s personality_ , that in itself should be a testament of just how nonsensical everything in her life was-, so Gudako was going to hold that thought for now.

Hakuno, the poor thing, tried to compromise -because for her, Gudako could already tell because it was so _fucking obvious_ she might as well be parading herself with a neon sign saying ‘ _I’m hopelessly in love with a complete piece of shit’_ , Caster was just another version of the man she was inexplicably and completely sold for -Gods knew Gudako had once tried to find reason in that, only to desist when she actually found _none_.

While Archer Gilgamesh seemed to make the distinction between him and Caster very clear, for Hakuno they still were just two different sides of the same coin, and thus, following that premise, she gave Caster his fair share of attention, but that too was substantially becoming harder and harder without angering Archer further and egging Caster on pursuing her with whatever shitstorm he had in his mind. 

However, instead of approaching the subject like a normal human person would, Archer seemed to only have two methods of approach; he either blasted things and people away if he was pissed off enough to bother with raising his sword, or insisted in spending entire days having loud marathon sex with Hakuno in random places of Chaldea in some very frankly disturbing and dysfunctional way to assert dominance, one that Gudako’s sure she’s only seen on TV documentaries, and it has already reached a point in which she has been forced to put on her headphones every time she delved too far away from what she now referred to as the ‘safe spaces’, blasting some German screamo playlist she’s found on Spotify until her ears were literally bleeding, all the while trying to come to terms with the fact that her life now has become a low-budget sitcom -or worse, that she was being part of some kind of hidden camera program and everyone was keeping it a secret from her just to see how far she could take it-, that she had ran out of ideas and that she was half-tempted to leave it like that.

Then again, that would mean leaving Hakuno alone against the elements, and in turn that could mean someone back at London might start questioning what, exactly, had Chaldea in such a state of constant uprising and disarray, and she really, really didn’t want anyone sticking their nose and finding some digital ghost girl where she shouldn’t be.

This _sucked_ so much; she didn’t even care if it was too fucking early in the week to be having another meltdown or if all this worrying and worrying made her look like a moody teenager—this was not how this shit was meant to go down.

“While I’m not one for pets who don’t listen to their masters, I’m not sure I understand what’s got you like this, Master,” Medb once told her from her lovely, comfortable position on some couch around her room as she checked her social media on her phone, trying to get some random, unsuspecting stranger on Twitter to call her dirty names over her OnlyFans account -or something to that effect, Gudako hadn’t been paying much attention. “Especially when there are so many other things to entertain yourself with; can you believe humanity has made this one miraculous invention through which you can have complete degenerates pay you for blurry pics of yourself? Why haven’t I been told of this sooner? _Absolutely criminal_.”

She can’t remember why, of all people, she decided to confide in Chaldea’s official thot -well, one of them, at least- when Mash would have been a more reasonable candidate for that, but there she was, sprawled over that same couch in the opposite direction with her arms folded over her chest, looking at the ceiling very intently as if she were in the midst of some kind of therapeutic session. She might as well be.

“You’re misusing your internet privileges again, Medb,” Gudako said, staring at the void.

“Spoilsport,” she said with a small smirk, eyes not leaving her phone’s screen, and then added, all but purring, “a little frolicking here and there can’t be so bad, now can it?” and by the way she seemed to almost sigh as she said it, looking all starry eyed and shit, she was probably reminiscing some kind of memory Gudako was very grateful she hadn’t decided to share with her this time around.

"I found them fucking in the broom closet. _Again_ ," she said flatly, staring blankly at the ceiling in an attempt to keep herself together and not to explode, because god _dammit_ this was stupid.

“Oh, and like you wouldn't?” and Medb sounded honestly _appalled_ that she wouldn’t.

Gudako muttered something incomprehensible even to herself under her breath, and then she finally, _finally_ exploded.

"NO! Gods, _no_!” Gudako made another series of affronted noises and continued. “I swear to fucking God that we’re spending more of that budget money on _Clorox_ than on actual machinery.”

Medb was unfazed by the outburst, though. Still surgically attached to her phone, she simply kept tapping endlessly at the screen with one hand whilst she waved Gudako’s cry with the other with a careless gesture.

"Oh, come now, who in their right mind turns that down if they can get it?” Medb asked, in all apparent sincerity, then nodding her head in an approving gesture, as if saying ‘good for her, good for her’. “It is a shame you cannot immediately get the appeal, Master, but all of us could do with a lot less of that self-righteousness of yours and several more attractive and oiled-up men at our side. Everyone can _always_ do with a few more of those,” she added, sighing dreamily.

The redhead opened and shut her mouth several times.

She _really_ was starting to believe that constant horniness was indeed a medical condition.

“…You _really_ misuse your internet privileges,” she managed to mutter finally.

But Medb wasn’t really listening to her, though, and simply looked like she had gone to her own little world of sex-crazed fantasies. Even her phone had been casted aside on some cold, abandoned corner of the couch, having suddenly forgotten about whatever beef she had been in the midst of some minutes ago, too caught up in her own delight.

“But Master -oh, Master, just _imagine_ : the rampant jealousy!” Medb said, beaming. “And the makeup sex that would ensue! Think of the orgasms!” the redhead really, really didn’t want to. “This is so invigorating, what is there not to like?” she sighed dreamily again, wide-eyed and pink in the face as she arched her back and threw her head back, lost in whatever fucked-up, kinky imagery of those two -three?- she had conjured inside her mind to go with what she said.

Gudako’s eye twitched, feeling her face prickle with heat. If it was from embarrassment or from pent-up frustration, she had no idea. She much preferred not to think of it; she didn’t want to have that kind of imagery inside her brain, she really, _really_ didn’t want to, thank you very much. The ‘Do Not Process’ corner of her mind was already overflowing with enough information as is; for all that was sacred, she didn’t want to add _that_ to her already long list of mildly traumatizing stuff to forget about.

“…Okay, I am going to go wash my ears out and forget you just said that." Medb was about to form some kind of protest to that, but Gudako was faster, “And, you know what? Let’s forget about that. The real question here is _why_ everyone thinks this is _my_ problem? What. The. _Hell_? Why do I have to listen to Tamamo yell ‘ _my husband, my husband!-’_ ” she started to say, high-pitched and everything, making a mockery of Caster’s voice, “-every three seconds? Why must I watch Nero dramatically fainting in random places every now and then because _one -oh fucking hell there’s more than one-_ of the Gilgameshes is being a dick over Hakuno, _again_? You know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? Because this is how listening to Hakuno’s simp army feels like. And it’s been months, almost a year of it, nonstop.”

The woman gave out a breathy laugh at that, carelessly waving off Gudako’s rant.

“Well, you _are_ our Master, darling; this whole ship is _your_ responsibility, is it not?”

Gudako groaned, head lolling back, “but I don’t actually want that much drama in my life? I have _anxiety_ ,” she insisted.

Medb, once more, simply brushed her Master’s complaints with a wave of her hand.

“Don’t be so _boring_ , darling. Besides, what are you going to do, if not let things be? Burn Archer like those four _bores_ have been telling you to, only to have that girl gaze mournfully at the horizon like some abandoned kitty in a station, all sad and lonely because she’s lost the cretin of her life? Honestly, honey, I’ve seen you burn many Servants before, and not without a reason, but I don’t think you’ve got it in you with this.”

Gudako sighed. “Neither do I.”

Maybe she should try a more proactive stance. Regardless of how much she didn’t want to get herself too involved, she still couldn’t have Archer pretending that Chaldea was his to destroy whenever something seemed to _mildly_ inconvenience him, and she couldn’t have Caster keep fainting from exhaustion on random places, and most certainly she couldn’t have the both of them put Hakuno in danger because they were too caught up measuring their dicks to care about anything else.

Caster seemed more reasonable, right? She could try with him first.

“…You think they’ll try to kill me if I get them a get-along shirt for Christmas?”

The pink-haired woman only made a non-committal sound at that.

Gudako took that as a yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, wow, I really wasn't expecting this to get this long, but guess I got a little bit carried away again lmao. I really don't know what's got into me, but now I really have this urge of writting AUs, and there's just so many plotbunnies, but so little time.
> 
> Also, poor Gudako needs to be given a break asap.


	3. Chapter 3

As much as it pained Gudako to admit it, Medb was right; Chaldea was her rightful ship, hers to command and take care of even if worse came to worse, and though dealing with all of this was more of a pain in the ass than anything else, it was still her duty to deal with Gilgamesh and his ever-growing sour moods, especially now that it was starting to concern the physical integrity of not only the facility itself, but also that of the inhabitants that roam about it, even if the reason behind all of this nonsense was all due to something as petty as Gilgamesh disliking being forced to share his former Master around. While the redhead knew she couldn’t give all those other Servants the attention they craved from Hakuno unless Hakuno herself and her undomesticated tigers allowed for it to happen, she could at least try to bring peace to this little place known as Chaldea.

She knew that something just _had_ to be done, even though she still wasn’t really sure about what, exactly, had to be done, but things couldn’t keep going like this. She had already neglected her duties as a Master enough as is, and she couldn’t keep having Gilgamesh constantly engaging against random Servants just because he was pissed off enough for it to be amusing, or worrying that someday or another Archer finally decided to go all out and burn Chaldea to a crisp. What was more, having a pissed off Gilgamesh was already bad enough for the physical and mental health of everyone on board and a big problem in serious need of rectifying -she didn’t need _another_ pissed of Gilgamesh to add to her already long list of problems _._

She knew that trying to speak with any of the versions of Gilgamesh that roamed about Chaldea like mating peacocks was futile and a complete loss of her time -in fact, she already tried to coax Caster into sleeping more than two consecutive hours and he brushed her worries as mere childish talk-.

Thus, Gudako decided to try her luck again and get to speak with what she considered just _had_ to be the only voice of reason in that weird, dysfunctional relationship that they had going on: Kishinami Hakuno. Of course, the only person who could actually solve all of this was none other than her. She did say that she wouldn’t pry on other Servants’ personal lives if it didn’t concern her, but this was starting to cross over that line, and Gudako was sure she didn’t want to keep on babysitting on them any longer despite the fact that some Servants _expected her to._

She only needed to have a few words with her, something that admittedly sounded easier than it actually was on practice. Gudako needed to find her alone, in a moment when neither one of the two versions of Gilgamesh were breathing down her neck like some kind of impending cloud of doom ready to be unleashed on whoever they suspected bore some kind of interest in her that went beyond what could be strictly considered as friendship and nothing more.

Of course, Gudako would try to approach her when she was helping Nightingale. After all, Gilgamesh has always said he hated the smell of disinfectant that lingered there and thought that Hakuno’s efforts on lending the nurse of Chaldea a hand were ‘boring’ and ‘redundant’, thinking that if they needed Hakuno to ‘lend them a hand in all of their endeavors’, then they were unworthy of being considered Humanity’s last stand against mages tampering on fate and time, so he would always leave somewhere else with some flippant comment thrown their way until she was done with her work.

Pshh, whatever.

What Gudako didn’t know though was that one such opportunity to approach Hakuno _alone_ would come to her without actively needing to look for it.

Today’s was supposed to be a normal training routine. She let the training grounds under the supervision of Da Vinci and Mash so that the Servants who wished to gain an exp boost could do so without needing to go seek for her. It has worked all the time since she implemented the system and there was no reason to think it would change now, of all times, even if last year has proved to be more than just slightly convoluted.

Next thing she knows is that Chaldea is rumbling violently with no justifiable reason for it to do so -at least until one Tamamo-No-Mae winded up inside the control room, where Gudako was currently going through projections and whatnot, in a state of complete disarray, crying and screeching for someone to listen to her. Her clothes were in tatters, she had burns all over her body, most probably a concussion and a broken lip from which blood was slowly oozing out, her whole hair was a mess and she had been talking too fast to be understandable. However, once she mentioned the words " _very angry_ ", “ _husband_ ” and " _Gilgamesh_ ", Gudako already suspected what happened to her and took her immediately to a special emergency room that they had just recently constructed within the infirmary ward with the last budget money sent by the Mages Association -she was almost considering asking if they could bring in therapy pups as well; most of the Servants who ended up there, which to the surprise of _absolutely no one_ were usually always the same faces (Emiya and Artoria being already well-known regulars what with them being Gilgamesh’s favorite and mostly primary source for precious tears of despair), ended up with more mental scarring than that of the physical kind.

To be honest, Gudako thought of it to be more like a monument dedicated to the people Gilgamesh particularly enjoyed watching suffer to the point of insanity. In fact, the Servants who frequented this very exclusive place have formed something akin to a therapy bubble and were starting to bond over how much they hated Gilgamesh’s well-bred guts and how much they wished he could disappear _permanently_.

According to Hakuno, once she told Gilgamesh that there was now an entire place in Chaldea’s sickbay room dedicated to him and him alone fondly nicknamed " _Gilgamesh’s Dumpster_ ", he just laughed dismissively, claiming that it was about time that Chaldea was finally bestowing upon him the recognition and glory that he deserved simply by merely gracing the place with his presence, although he was slightly disappointed about the overabundance of sterile-white and the lack of waterslides and overall opulence that a place dedicated to himself should bear.

Gudako first thought that Hakuno was trying to pull her leg with that, but come to think of it, the fact that Gilgamesh would want to turn a therapy ward dedicated to him into a water theme park sounded _exactly_ like something Gilgamesh would want to do.

Fortunately, Tamamo wasn't injured too badly that Gudako would have to see herself forced to do something she didn't want to do, even though she was dealing with the aftereffects of almost getting an Enuma Elish to the face, and in spite of Nightingale’s insistence that they should just go straight for amputation and be done with it, Hakuno stopped the mad nurse before something terribly unpleasant happened to Tamamo. After bandaging her up and sedating her, now Tamamo was resting comfortably as she received a mana transfusion and would most probably be ready to leave by evening.

It was at that moment that Gudako decided that she’s really, _really_ had enough of going through the same incidents over and over and over again as if she was living some kind of groundhog day.

And really now, Gudako doesn’t quite understand why _this,_ out of everything else Gilgamesh has already done during the past few years and especially during the past few months since Hakuno arrived, is the last straw for her; doesn’t know why she’s perfectly okay with having a whole section of Chaldea exclusively dedicated to tend after his victims, having his double use the rayshift for his own selfish needs, having whole areas of her beloved facilities destroyed because something miniscule has inconvenienced the King to the point of trembling, destructive rage, having a myriad of Servants complaining to her that he was being unnecessarily cruel to them on a daily basis and yet _this_ is where she finally draws the line.

Of course, it was one thing to have Gilgamesh being an attention-seeking asshole, stomping around Chaldea like a raging bull on a marketplace, all testosterone and no tact whatsoever as he paraded himself with Hakuno on one arm and Enkidu on the other, but to have him injuring fellow Servants just because he was constantly angry and horny, suspecting that someone was trying to steal from him, was another thing altogether. Fuck, she wanted to go back; maybe it was annoying to have him claim ownership over Hakuno when so many Servants complained to her that they wanted a piece of her time and attention as well, but at least back then he was _bearable,_ and that was so much better than having him on a constant bad mood because he suspected he was being cucked for an older version of himself.

So of course, after waiting for Hakuno to finish with Tamamo, she had to _insist._

“Hakuno, you really have to talk to Gilgamesh,” she told her, gripping her by the shoulders as Nightingale busied herself by checking over Tamamo.

Hakuno just gave her a flat stare at that. “…Which one again?”

Oh.

Right.

That was a fair question, wasn't it?

“I… I don’t know! Archer, Caster, whatever, _I don’t care,_ but you have to do something!”

“Do something about what, exactly,” Hakuno asked as if the answer to that shouldn’t be obvious enough.

“What do you think!” Gudako screeched. “Make it stop! Like, _c’mon_ Hakuno, I know that you hold some sort of psychic power over him or whatever,” she said, making little magic bursts with her fingers. "Do your magic."

But Hakuno just sighed, as if _she_ were overreacting. She took Gudako’s hands and held them in hers, and just told her, “Gudako, you have to calm down.”

Gudako felt herself snap a little, “Oh, but I am calm, Hakuno. I am so fucking chill it’s not even funny.”

“It’s not like I can make Gil _not be_ Gil, Gudako; you of all people should know he’s always been the same self-absorbed man with a penchant for dramatics. He doesn’t like _not_ being the center of attention, and picking fights with other Servants is his way of getting those precious seconds of glory. Let him make a show of himself and he will calm down from whatever temper tantrum he’s in, eventually.”

Gudako stared at her in wide-eyed disbelief. Was she kidding her?

She gave out a frazzled laugh, “That’s really not the biggest problem here.”

“I know Gil is a difficult to deal with on a day.to-day basis, but he has a positive side to him as well. Just give him time.”

_Positive side?_

“One, Hakuno, just _name me one positive side to this,”_ Gudako demanded, raising one single finger in the air.

Hakuno sighed again, as if she didn’t believe Gilgamesh was overreacting over her accidentally summoning another him into Chaldea.

“Gudako…”

“Look, just—I already know Gilgamesh’s brain is on extended leave. Like, you don’t need to have a privileged, galaxy brain to see that. That’s really not the issue here at all,” she told her with a hangdog desperate look. “Like no goddamn kidding, Hakuno. How many Servants have you and Nightingale tended to since you summoned Caster here? And how long has it been happening? This is not him just being an attention whore, this is him being petty over _you_.” She stressed with wide eyes. “Like, _c’mon_ , you must have seen the way that narcoleptic version of himself looks at you. _Please tell me you’ve seen that too_.”

But she must have not known that -either that or she was faking her ignorance way too convincingly-, because Hakuno just frowned at her like she didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Narcoleptic… Oh, you mean Caster? He just thinks I’m an entertaining pastime; Gilgamesh has always liked his shiny, new things, after all.”

This can’t be happening to her for real.

“Oh,” Gudako ran a hand down her face, “my _god_. Look, you know what? Whatever, think what you want. You must know how to deal with this better than I do and I trust that you know what you’re doing, so just promise me that you will talk to him again. Believe it or not I'd like this place to stand exactly where it is.”

Hakuno still looked at her unsurely, but at the very least, though, she seemed to be finally considering her desperate plea for a little help.

“Okay,” she said. “I—I’ll talk to him later.”

* * *

 _Talk to him_ , huh?

Hakuno’s long brown hair swayed left to right and right to left as she walked down the halls of Chaldea’s facilities with a weird look of searing determination in her otherwise calm face, a steadfast goal in her mind.

When she stormed out of the infirmary in such a rush that only the white and fuchsia of her clothes was distinguishable, she really didn’t know what to make of Gudako’s desperate plea for help. She knew that dealing with Gilgamesh when he was in such difficult moods was not something that he made easy given the fact that he didn’t let out many cues for others to parse the real meaning of his words and actions, but the redhead’s claim of this being on another level altogether was starting to become more and more plausible the more she considered the idea.

The thought of Gilgamesh being remotely upset that someone might take her from him should be impossible by all means. In spite of how much Hakuno didn’t want to admit it, he had ruined her to such an extent she honestly couldn’t bring herself to consider being with anyone else who wasn’t him even if she tried it her hardest. Furthermore, he went on so many endless tirades about how perfect and amazing he was that the notion of him actually considering that train of thought and feeling… what? Threatened by it? should be ridiculous. Gilgamesh was Gilgamesh; if anything, now that there was another adult version of him on the loose in Chaldea, he must have seen it as an excuse to try to make a walking show out of himself just to prove who-knows what kind of stupid point, instead of seeing it as… that.

So of course, Hakuno had been considering the whole situation as just that -Gilgamesh starving for praise and attention, possibly still pissed off that she had summoned someone else other than him -this insufferable man sure knew how to hold a grudge-, and nothing else. However, it was also true that ever since Gudako had been pairing her with that seemingly more mellow version of him, the one she had somehow summoned on accident and that he did attempt to kill at least once, Archer has been debating between three moods for some godforsaken reason; crippling horniness, passive-aggressiveness and _both at the exact same time_.

Well, Gilgamesh’s rapidly changing moods aside, she still had to check on that other version of himself and his sleep-depriving, self-destructive habits -that man needed all the breaks he could get before he ended up killing himself by exhaustion, even if he didn’t want her to get involved with his terrible sleeping habits.

She’d see to Archer later that night after that. Right about now not only did Hakuno have other things to see through, but she was also actually trying to _save lives_ by completely avoiding a stupid discussion in the middle of some hallway. She doesn’t know which lives, exactly, she’s saving, but she’s definitely saving some.

-Or at least that was what she had wanted to do until the man that she had meant to avoid for the time being appeared almost literally out of nowhere and _lunged_ at her, looking absolutely triumphant when he managed to get ahold of her before she could get to the next corridor, shoving her into the broom closet and slamming the door behind them.

First of all, that was completely uncalled for.

“Would it _hurt you_ ,” Hakuno complained, frowning reproachfully up at him even when she knew he would just brush her complaints away as meaningless worries, “if you ever told me beforehand that you’re planning on pulling something like this on me, _for once_?”

She knew better than let this bother her, she was far too used to Gilgamesh being selfish and impulsive by now, but yet it was at this exact moment that Hakuno considered that the talk she had wanted to have with him that much ‘later’ could actually happen ‘now’.

"But it is much easier if I don't, Hakuno, not to mention faster," he told her in a way she could practically _feel_ the carelessness oozing out of his words. “Do tell me, why the rush?" Gilgamesh chuckled when Hakuno tried push past him to no avail, "Somewhere else you need to be that you didn’t consider to tell me?"

The arrogance in his voice, one that she had long tolerated for sanity and grew to love in time, made it clear that there would be no talking him out of this; Gilgamesh rarely let go of something when he had his mind on it.

Hakuno frowned, feeling challenged.

“We’ve talked about this, Gil. Many, _many_ times, in fact. Unless it’s, I don't know, a life-or-death situation and you're going to disappear on me, you cannot just… do this -just because you feel like it. It’s not… _appropriate_ ,” she replied, words spoken in a whisper, not wanting to attract attention -although she didn’t really understand why she was even bothering, given the fact that anyone would hear his loud ass voice anywhere- as the blond continued the trek his fingers over her arm.

He gave out a snort that was full of scorn, and Hakuno was belatedly reminded as he cupped his hand along the back of her neck and inched closer until his nose was almost touching hers that he got off on insubordination just as much as he claimed to abhor it.

"Worrying about morals even at a time like this? I thought I had you taught better," he told her in that damnable over-amused tone of his just in time for his hands to grab not at all gently at her waist, pushing her back to move his lips to her neck, making a path of sharp nips that left red marks on her pale skin.

No one could say Hakuno wasn’t persistent to the point of absurd, because unlike most people that roamed about Chaldea, workers and Servants alike, she actually believed that she could get through Gilgamesh’s thick skull by sheer perseverance alone, even when he had her trapped inside a closet and his mouth was just brushing a breast through the fabric of her blouse. “I mean it, Gil, stop it right now,” she all but told him through gritted teeth, trying not to buck against his touch, “Gil, I really mean it, I—”

He growled in irritation against her skin.

“You _what,_ Hakuno? You can’t really be this _concerned_ over him,” Archer said a little incredulously, almost in a snarl, face now buried against her neck, the reverberations of his voice making her skin prickle. “I refuse to believe your taste is this _atrocious_.”

Hakuno breathed in slowly and deeply, closing her eyes just the way Kiara once told her to -she wasn’t all that sure if meditating actually worked, but it was worth a shot-.

“Gil, _Caster_ is also _you_ ,” she insisted with a frustrated air to it, like this was so obvious it was physically painful to point it out.

This only made Gilgamesh furrow his brow with disdain, staring back at her, eyes challenging, like he expected her to feel _guilty_ or something to that effect.

“I should think not,” Gilgamesh said, a crossed look of disgust in his features, looking as if she had somehow offended him. “As I would hope it should be _immediately obvious_ , he and I are two complete separate beings.”

She raised one eyebrow at him.

“He’s my Servant, too, you know,” she added with a flat stare, stating what she believed was the immediate obvious. “And I’m still his primary source of mana.”

Gilgamesh waved the statement away with an impatient roll of his wrist, although if she had to judge by the crossed look that was still present in his face he was not quite as nonchalant about the implications of that as he would have wanted to make her believe.

“Oh, I am sure you are; I am still well acquainted with that because I still hold you partially accountable for the mishap that made this come to pass —to think you would _dare_ summon me an older version of myself as I still stand before you; simply audacious!” he said indignantly.

Hakuno sighed.

“Oh for the love of— it was an accident!” She stressed, frustrated that she still had to go through a repeat of this every single time he was in a certain mood. “A-C-C-I-D-E-N-T.”

She didn’t know why she was bothering with repeating the obvious, even if it was intriguing to hear that light tinge of bitterness in his voice.

Gilgamesh’s frown hardened.

“Whatever the case might be,” he went to continue, ignoring her completely, “that is hardly a measure of his worth. And regardless of how amusing it is that you would devote yourself to such an extent to any version of myself just because you keep deluding yourself into thinking they are me —never mind how _absurd_ the notion is—, you ought to be spending your time with your rightful husband, as he stands before you and demands your touch, instead of chasing after measly doubles of him.”

Hakuno squinted at him, tilting her head as she stared at him intently, trying to look for cues in his expression that would help her understand where he was _actually_ getting at.

All the intensity of before was gone, leaving only something that seemed almost… affronted.

And then it dawned on her.

He might not show it, but Archer had a consistent pattern when it came to his moods, like a chemical reaction of some sort; first his shoulders would hunch up, then his fingers would twitch ever so slightly, and finally his eyes would harden until one could only see the red in them and nothing more.

"Does it… bother you?" she asked tentatively, vaguely perplexed.

There was another pause which lasted a few seconds before it was filled with his voice again, sounding vaguely annoyed by the suggestion. "Oh, hardly. I am but simply mildly inconvenienced by how exasperatingly _ravenous_ your hoard can be, Hakuno.”

Hakuno’s face fell into a familiar scowl. “ _My hoard_ ,” she deadpanned. She still found it amazing, how a man could be so full of bullshit and so completely detached from reality and still be completely and blissfully oblivious to it. Already feeling the familiar urge to reach for her headache medicine, she was not going to comment on that just yet. “I know what you did back there. You gave Tamamo more than just a scratch on the training room. What game are you playing at now, Gil?”

Ever the self-absorbed man that he was, his answer to that was a careless shrug. “Oh? I am sure I did. And so?”

“ _Gil_ —”

“—She got in the way, so whatever happened to her was her own fault. In fact, it was quite the convenient occurrence, as I could have gone without that crafty Caster and her sweetly-sick voice calling out to you for quite some time —a pity it didn’t become permanent.”

Another sigh.

“ _Gil_ —”

“—It is but _pitiful_ our contractor can’t seem to see how much of a liability all of these lousy heroes that chase after your skirts for a meager scrap of your attention actually are, though I must say it was quite the amusing sight, watching the hope drain from their eyes when you couldn’t recognize any of them, no matter how hard they tried making you remember a time that never came to happen, but regardless of such—”

Hakuno cringed. Trying to speak to a wall would actually prove to be much more effective than trying to talk to Gilgamesh right now. She should have seen this happening.

Sensing the start of a headache-inducing tantrum, Hakuno cupped his face in both hands, pulling him into what she intended to be a quick kiss but that soon turned into something positively _primeval_ , greedy lips not hesitating to kiss her back, and just like every other time that something similar to this had happened, it left Hakuno wondering how, after all this time, after so many years of practice, she still fell for it.

When they parted for air, it was only to be faced with Gilgamesh looking smugger than anyone had a right to be.

“I was under the impression you wanted me to stop, Hakuno. Didn’t you wish to see that dull double of mine? Or were you thinking this attempt of yours at quieting me just now would play in your favor?”

Gilgamesh dropped a hand down her body, making a point to drag it as slowly as possible over her already slightly loose blouse all the way down to the magenta plaided skirt.

At feeling his hand delve beneath her skirt, Hakuno knew this was everything she wasn't supposed to be allowing. She knew she should remain to be the voice of reason between them, knew that she told Gudako she would talk to him and sort out whatever was making him so mercurial, but…

She sighed, the kind of sigh that conveyed that she was dropping the whole subject altogether but only _for now_ , until she put all of this into proper context, and if possible, take care of those matters in a less compromising time and a place; no matter how much time she’s been with Gilgamesh, bickering with him always proved to be ineffective and it only left her mad and frustrated. What was more, a closet was really not the place to attempt to read the mind of someone who’s had a whole lifetime to master the art of lying.

At that time, and as if to prove her earlier thoughts right, a distant _click click_ sound coming from the hallway made him stop if only momentarily and made her suck in a breath.

Hakuno stilled, suddenly feeling hyper aware of where she stood as she perked her ears to hear if anyone was coming any closer. Of course, this didn’t stop the blond the slightest bit, the half-interruption only egging him on.

“Still pretending, aren't we?” Gilgamesh murmured, already moving to kneel down to settle beneath her skirt and between her legs. “I believe I might know how to change that stubborn course of thinking of yours.”

Hakuno, being the sucker that she was, did at least make the attempt at deterring him, already suspecting where he was getting at with this this time around.

“I really meant all of what I said before, _Gil, I_ —”

“The threat of exposure makes you aroused,” he told her as he kissed and nibbled on her inner thighs, tongue occasionally darting out to join his lips as he made a path up to her center, and then coming to a sudden stop. “…I wonder how long you can hold out before you moan so loud someone notices?"

And Hakuno knew, she just _knew_ the second her own eyes peered down to look at him, that she lost.

She could feel him smirk against her skin as his teeth grazed against her through her panties, and in one fluid, practiced motion that still managed to surprise her up to this day, he pushed her underwear to the side.

She wasn’t given the opportunity to properly process any of that when she felt the flat of his tongue flick at her clit, rubbing over it in circles.

Hakuno sighed, the pink hue coloring her cheeks quickly turning to crimson as the blonde’s mouth worked her over. She threaded her fingers into his hair to sort of keep him there, momentarily forgetting why she was annoyed with him in the first place but still conscious enough to be positively certain she would come to regret this lack of foresight at some later point in time.

* * *

Coming back from the clutches of death by the power of some whimsical wish-granting artifact only to wind up in this little corner of the world known as Chaldea came with both advantages and disadvantages for Gilgamesh, the most flagrant of the latter being that there was no longer a civilization nor a plentiful palace full of servants under his command, no more populace to worship his every step and no more armies ready to die for him if he so wished them to —and as if this wasn’t bad enough, he was still trying to get used to the fact that the minor Heroic Spirits that wandered aimlessly around the place like the mongrels they were only spared him mistrustful glances every now and then instead of prostrating themselves on the ground and begging for his favor as they should.

_The audacity._

However, one big benefit of being himself was that everyone eventually learned what their place around him actually was regardless of whatever personal feelings he stirred within them, although he had the feeling that the rest of Chaldea, and especially those certain three fools who kept trying to chase after his Master for a scrap of attention, just thought of him as some heartless monster that Gudako allowed to wander through Chaldea because of some gross miscalculation.

However, that suited Caster just fine.

Chaldea wasn’t ideal, and he also found the lacking presence of a certain someone to be quite disquieting about this whole situation —however, his friend has been returned to him, even if they gravitated around Archer more than he would have liked them to, but if his friend was there with him, he could care less about the rest of mongrels wandering aimlessly around; as it seemed, he could have a life in a place he could bring himself to slightly tolerate and maybe even somewhat enjoy in spite of being forced to share the same space with his younger self, probably the single most aggravating person besides that useless goddess that he’s ever had the misfortune of sharing an existence with.

He supposed, then, that Chaldea was acceptable; dull, sterile and otherwise soulless as the place was.

There was also this certain woman who summoned him here that he had to consider as well, one who had soft and attractive eyes, plain though she was, and who despite being practically sewn to his younger self as much as his friend was, found him to be something more than just someone to flinch or glare mistrustfully at. The sight of her felt oddly familiar and yet _not quite_ at the same time. For a brief moment upon being summoned he had almost thought of her as another, though perhaps the woman, improbable and flimsy as her existence was, was supposed to have that kind of effect on most people -but Gilgamesh wasn’t _most people,_ so the knowledge that she’s managed to throw him for a loop still came as intriguing.

She had the potential to be a strong mage, he could feel that much, but her circuits were still deeply dormant from many years of unuse, who knew if perhaps even damaged. Whatever the case might actually be, it was nothing that he couldn’t help with reverting, if she showed him the dedication that was expected to be granted his aid.

She also appreciated his coffee, even if she always had to add what he believed was a ludicrous amount of sugar until she believed it was apt for her consumption -three spoonfuls of sugar on normal days, five of them when she was going through something particularly distressful.

Paying attention to the little details, as opposed to sheer brute force, always got you to more places, and Hakuno was like an open book that Gilgamesh could read with ridiculous ease. Of course, Caster took note of the way her eyes lighted up when she looked up to him when she brought him coffee, or how her eyes would linger more than was perhaps necessary as she watched him write away on a tablet, almost making it seem she wouldn’t really mind it if he reached out to her and kissed her reticence away —he noticed all of that and more just as much as he noticed the bruises and marks that marred the inches of her skin that clothes could not hope to cover, or the way her legs curled as she dangled precariously while clinging to his fool of an Archer self, who had decided that a room that smelled heavily of bleach was as good as any to take her, door just barely ajar.

He's not entirely sure why he found this all to be so disquieting. However, the middle of a hallway was not the most adequate of places to discuss such matters, so Caster allowed his younger self have his temporary merriment, only to find himself scowling later at the red crescents on his palms. 

Naturally, Archer was too focused on carelessly taking _his_ Master and apprentice to take notice of anything. He had to wonder if this was his attempt at being intimidating, but would he really plumb to such depths? Did his infatuation over that woman reach that deep that he would revert back to an average teenager? Archer had been him at some point in life, and Caster knew himself enough to imagine what to expect, but it still came off as surprising. 

He was past the age of probing buttons and past the age of immature flashes of testosterone, _but then again_ this time was also as good as any to see how far that infatuation of his really went. No matter how much of an adult he looked, children will always be children and they were always shallow.

He thought of considering such things at a later time, until there came a soft knocking at his door, followed by an equally soft voice asking to come in; fate decided that ‘later’ would be ‘now’, so he commanded her to come in.

The first thing Caster noticed when Hakuno slipped inside his private quarters was that she was carrying a tray with two mugs of coffee and two plates of what he assumed, given her incredibly sweet tooth, were pastries of some sort. The second thing he noticed was the obvious smell of her perfume mingling with what could only be Archer’s cologne. The third thing he noted was the multitude of bites and bruises that peppered her neck, an obvious, suggestive trail leading under her blouse.

“Caster?”

But then he realized that she was still standing there and that he was still sitting in his desk with his discarded tablets, staring at her intently, and suddenly he reminded himself to speak.

"Is there something you request of me at this late hour, Master?" He asked, eyes still trained on her, the woman standing there a mystery he was all too eager to unravel.

A few seconds later and Hakuno nodded once. "Yes, actually —I was wondering if you had time to join me for coffee now, even though it’s already past seven.” Then, she grimaced, face going sour. “Sorry I made you wait. I know I usually drop by earlier, but I had to wash up before joining you. Hopefully it’s not that late, isn’t it?”

Caster gave her a thin-lipped smile, though considering that her presence would considerably take the edge off of his bad mood, he supposed he could allow this.

“That is of no consequence. You are here, after all, and as I hardly see much of you when not pertaining to training efforts, I do suppose you could be excused of the disrespect of making me wait this one time,” then he gestured toward his desk, already making a move to declutter it, tablets sliding back inside his gates as another seat was summoned forth from within. “Though I still have matters to attend, I suppose I can allow you to indulge in this moment with I. It would be regretful not to allow a Master of mine to partake in things of such pleasant nature. Do come in. Don’t dare make me repeat myself twice."

She smiled sheepishly in response as she strode away from the doorway, moving to leave the tray on the table, taking the opposite seat to his. Hakuno grabbed the sugar dish and Caster counted the sugar cubes that she dropped into her cup —one, two, three. She brought the cup to her lips, made a face, and dropped another two cubes, stirring the sugar again in silence.

Caster was acutely aware of the strange, peaceful domesticity of it all; some amnesic woman on the run and a grand caster being content sharing coffee for the evening. It should sound ridiculous, but he still lost himself in it.

Caster took a sip of his own coffee for that sought burst of caffeine that he needed so that he could go through yet another night of work, only to pause and frown at the taste.

“It’s decaf,” she said when she caught him gazing at the contents of his mug. “I’m surprised you noticed by the taste alone.”

When he stared back at her, Hakuno was frowning at him with a face that spoke of concern, and it was in the silence that followed her statement that he found his gaze lingering again. He covered his momentary slip by taking another sip. In all honesty, it was not bad, just— “To what do I owe this unilateral and very sudden change in my usual blend, pray tell?”

Hakuno made a face as though he had made a question the answer to which should be as obvious as stating that things fall when you drop them or that people die when they are killed.

“You’re forgoing sleep.” Hakuno said as a matter of fact and bit her lip, uncertainty in her eyes. “Sometimes I worry that you might be working a tad too hard, or that someday I’ll have to see myself fishing you from the bathtub because you fell asleep under the spray.”

Gilgamesh half scoffed, half laughed in his condescending usual and redirected the conversation. "So now you intend to put me to bed like a child? You seem to have a gift for exaggeration, Master, but in spite of what your paltry concerns might tell you, I need none of it.”

Hakuno made her aggravation known with a huff. “Sleeping three non-consecutive hours is not sleeping, Gil,” she replied in a deadpan. “Isn’t it the duty of a Master to support their Servant however they can?”

Gilgamesh simply took another sip of his coffee in lieu of an answer as he began to consider the pastries that were on the plates. The fact that he had much work to do didn’t mean he didn’t require the nourishment, and since they had been brought here already, he may as well go through with it. While he wasn’t as fond of sweets as she was, perhaps some food might chase the headaches away, although he sincerely doubted it.

Glancing at the plate on the tray, he tried to figure out what sort of dessert it was. By the looks of it, it was more like a sponge cake, put together in layers and topped with a caramel coating that suffused the air with an evocative aroma.

His fork pierced the cake and he brought a piece to his mouth experimentally only to blink in minor surprise, finding himself slightly distracted and pondering if the faint bittersweet trace on the delicate caramel flavor was actually rum or some other kind of liquor.

“I did not expect of you to be so fond of liquor. Not that I complain.”

With the tips of her ears flushing red, Hakuno seemed to hesitate for a moment, but after a brief moment of consideration she simply smiled at him, the gesture feeling slightly sheepish, and followed him by taking a forkful of her own plate, saying, “Ah, well—I didn’t know what _you_ liked, so I kind of had to improvise. I wasn’t sure if you liked rum either, but I went forward with it anyway.” After a small beat of silence, she continued, frowning slightly. “I don't see you at mealtimes much, since you're always working —so I thought I should bring you something more consistent than just your usual shot of caffeine.” And then, in a tentative hush, allowing herself a small, wry smile that was the very definition of droll, she asked, “is it at least _acceptable_ for your _very exquisite palette_ , King of Heroes?”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

She brought him handmade food without being so much as prompted to and she dared ask such questions of him? This woman was absurd, even if she tried to disguise her concerns and insecurities with cynicism.

He made a sound between a hum and a scoff that he hoped sounded affirmatory enough before taking another bite and allowing his sharp gaze fall upon his strange Master once more.

There were many things he’d want to offer her —so many terrible, impossible offers, but he knew it would be too much, too blunt, and he was sure that if he did it now she would probably get up, thank him for the coffee and head out back to Archer.

So instead, he asked, "And what in return?"

Hakuno’s mildly shocked face was not feigned, that much he could tell. "Why would you think I expected something out of this now of all times?"

Already expecting her to tell him as much, he had but to laugh.

“So these were for me _myself,_ then?” he asked then, one eyebrow raised. If she was going to answer his questions with other questions of her own, he might as well play along with that game as well.

Her brown eyes met his with something soft in them that was hard to pinpoint, even when her expression remained as honest and open as could be. “Were you expecting it not to be?” she asked, once more answering his question with another question.

Caster still tried searching for a lie; however, her words appeared genuine. The corner of his mouth curled up into a not-quite smile. If he wasn’t before, _now_ he found himself amused, the kind of indulgent amusement that he had gone so many years without he almost forgot he could experience once more —amused by his Master’s reckless obstinacy, and dangerously amused by the way she appeared to avert her eyes when he returned her more blatant stares, as if she was struggling against some sort of better judgement.

“ _It is the duty of a Master to support their Servant however they can_ , indeed. If these words of yours to me are of any real meaning, Hakuno, as they undoubtedly should, you ought to show me something other.”

“Oh?”

“Tributes, Hakuno. Provide me with that such support you spoke to me of as I work through the night; I have yet many tablets to translate, and many more to transcribe, and I am well aware my Archer self, at the very least, has taught you to read. To dedicate themselves to me and tend to my needs; that is the true duty that any Master of mine should have,” he says evenly, nonchalantly, well aware that this sounded absurd, but he was dangerously curious to actually test how deep that resolve of hers really went.

There was something in this moment, Caster thought, something opening like a flower in bloom as this balancing act that his Master has been keeping with the two of them was threatening to come tumbling down, fragile and unstable like a house of cards.

However, Hakuno reeled that in, neatly tucking everything back behind a mask, and the moment passed as she simply laughed lightly, staring back at him with eyes that seemed more amused than troubled by his words, and just then, Caster thought to himself, there must be an incentive to all of that for her as well, not just for him; there had to be one, for instead of walking directly out of the room and return back to Archer as he had expected from her, like she had done many other times before, she instead remained exactly where she was.

However, if she was thinking of using her knowledge on his younger self to gain some sort of advantage over him, she might be in for a world of utter disappointment, but he wasn’t about to tell her just how erred her judgements of him actually were. He’d allow for her to find out on her own.

For the time being, he would remain satisfied with whatever of his demands his fool was willing to fulfill, confident that there will be room for more if he was provided with the time for it.

Chaldea was a dull place with sterile-white corridors, yes, but he could get used to this. After all, he was exactly where he wanted to be, indulging in his fondness for interesting, rare things, one such thing being a plain fool with long, brown hair and soft brown eyes to match.

Amnesic or not, real body or not, Hakuno being here was all the entertainment he needed, and he still had much time in his hands to seek about those missing gaps in her memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the story of Gudako's ongoing headache(tm) continues and now I really want to keep writing more coffee shop AUs uwu


	4. Chapter 4

To be fair, it wasn’t that Hakuno didn’t know that something was slightly amiss.

When Caster told her to spend the night with him under the pretext of _assisting him_ _with his work_ , she had, in fact, already suspected it was some kind of ploy for some kind of stupid test to most probably see how far she’d be willing to go to amuse him. Of course, this was only a guess. Caster, she soon found out, spoke in over complicated metaphors, worse than Archer’s even, but whatever the case, it wasn’t like she walked herself into something she didn’t know about. Truly, she was sure that between him and Ozymandias, the Egyptian Pharaoh with whom Gilgamesh liked to hang around even if he didn’t want to admit it, they both mined 95% (possibly even 99%) of the world’s pride.

She cringed inwardly as quick as the intrusive thought crossed her mind. She shook her head, trying to clear her head from it before she could hear a set of two very loud voices laughing in her head that would haunt her later in her sleep.

In any case, whether it was to satisfy some kind of morbid curiosity of his or not, Hakuno had already agreed to join in this nonsense, so she couldn’t back down from it now—and while the lack of knowledge should have set her on edge what with her having known Gilgamesh long enough to know that this feeling of _not knowing_ was never indicative of a good omen, she would take a guess in the dark and say he just wanted to be humored and have his ego stroked now that he was without a crowd of adulating population prostrating at his feet and that the number of wives in his possession had dramatically diminished to zero. She’s okay with it; if going back to translation hell was really all it took for Caster to take a rest from his work before he finally managed to get himself killed by overworking, Hakuno was more than glad to assist him in whatever way he would require of her, ridiculous as it might be.

However, she soon found out that she had made a slight miscalculation in all of that, one so simple she almost felt like hitting herself in the head for it—while Archer had taken it upon himself to teach her read Sumerian back when they had been exploring outer space —the fact she had known nothing of his mother language had been too much of a disrespect towards him, it seemed—, all the time they had been separated from one another had made her grasp on the language become rusted due to lack of practice.

And Gilgamesh, no matter which version of him, would always be a strict teacher.

Caster was persistent if not ridiculously commanding whenever she would ask of him to train with her and assist her with her mana, and there was no reason to believe he wouldn’t be stern over this as well. Other than intending to rely on her own abilities to get through his thick skull, Hakuno hadn’t really given this much of a thought.

As of now, she had taken a seat over the floor, cross-legged over some cushions that Caster had laid there for her to sit on only so that he could take a seat behind her and have a better view to surveil her in her efforts to transcribe his spoken words into clay—which had earned her some hard pinches over her sides every time he went to correct a mistake she made, which had been quite a few, but it wasn’t _really_ her fault that she made so many of them if he insisted in speaking faster than her hands could work with the stylus; she couldn’t be really blamed for her blotched attempts at rapid cuneiform writing, it wasn’t like she was _native_ —.

Nonetheless, she was almost glad at Caster’s approach to strictness; Archer had been less lenient on her back then. Caster’s way of bringing her attention back to work mainly consisted in swatting her shoulders or pinching her in a way that was more ticklish than it was painful —Hakuno had hoped he wouldn’t find out just yet that she was ticklish around her waist and ribcage, though the fact that he seemed insistent on abusing the same spot time and time again, coupled with those small, satisfied smirks that tugged at the corners of his lips every time she flinched against him, told her he had already caught up to that fact. Archer, on the other hand, had always insisted in reprimanding her with bites and nips anywhere and everywhere he could sink his teeth on, harsh enough to break skin tissue—which was completely uncalled for, if you asked her.

It was a nice change of pace, she supposed, not having the need to use turtle necks to cover all those purplish marks that he’d leave in spite of her insisting that he didn’t, though trying to ignore Caster’s more pungent stares behind her back was a challenge in itself as well, as it also was trying to keep with his ridiculously stubborn stamina —a few hours of this later into the night and he still kept talking and talking, ever in love with the sound of his voice and refusing to surrender to exhaustion just yet as she kept writing and writing his spoken words into tablets.

She was only given a few minutes of rest to nurse after her sore wrists before he took her newly written tablets inside his gates only to replace them with many others, _a huge pile of them_ actually, that he claimed needed to be translated into something other than just Sumerian, a knowing smirk plastered on his face all the while.

And, okay, fine—Hakuno knew Gilgamesh had his vindictive strikes every now and again, but _this_ was going a little bit overboard, especially considering that she couldn’t remember ever doing anything disrespectful towards Caster that it would warrant… well, _this_.

If this wasn’t a stupid test, Hakuno didn’t know what it was.

Hakuno couldn’t understand how he could go hours and hours and hours like this; this wasn’t to say she didn’t enjoy spending her time like this with him at all—Hakuno would be lying if she said she didn’t appreciate learning about the things he actually gave a damn about, but translating efforts were so _mechanic_ and so _tedious_ that she really had to wonder what the big deal with all those tablets was that someone as self-indulgent as him would see the imperious need to work through them with such insistence and with such _care_. Transcribing she could understand, but translating, though…

It was a little bit ridiculous how much he seemed to be dragging things on. If she didn’t know any better, she’d almost be inclined to think all of this was made deliberate only so that she was forced to stay there all night long, which come to think of it, it wouldn’t actually come as a surprise considering that she _knows_ how Gilgamesh actually works; Hakuno was well aware that you had to peel back countless layers of deceit if you wished to find anything in him that wasn’t practiced to polished perfection or premeditated so meticulously it bordered on some kind of OCD, but a part of her told her that this had something more to it.

When she asked him why he needed to translate all of those tablets in the first place, she was regarded with a cool stare. _Words have no meaning if they cannot be preserved, Hakuno, and things which cannot be preserved in memory will become things that have never happened in the first place,_ he told her, which sounded kind of reasonable, but she still couldn’t see the bigger picture of this, if there was any to begin with, if he wasn’t intent on sharing the translated tablets with anyone else at all. Maybe Gudako could benefit from this, but he never specified those were for her at all -or for anyone else, even if he was now asking her to translate them all into Japanese.

Regardless, Hakuno kept going, trying not to lose herself too much on the whims of her capricious Servant, lest he scolded her for making a sloppy work because she was too distracted. And so, she started translating all sorts of documents describing people arguing over the price of crops and copper, merchants complaining over other merchants, and even harsher disputes between farmers over parcels of arable land. She supposed that repetitive though the complaints were, it was sort of funny to see Sumerians did have their penchant for arguing over things that would otherwise seem inconsequential for anyone else in this time, that this obsession with haggling over everything and anything wasn’t something intrinsic to Gilgamesh alone.

Amongst all those tablets, though, there were also ones describing the idiosyncrasies of some of the Servants that roamed around Chaldea—particularly, she came across two tablets that sparked her interest; one that spoke of a Servant with a weapon able to sever contracts between Servants and Masters with only the smallest of touches, and another that spoke of Nero and the faraway timeline where she claimed to have known her from, as well as some others that she couldn’t make out the meaning of, the vocabulary far too advanced -or far too arcaic.

Whyever would Gilgamesh spend his time observing and writing something so detailed over people she was sure he could care less about, Hakuno didn’t know, but _this_ she found interesting—much more than merchants throwing shade at each other over the price of their goods or over deliveries that were not handed on the specified terms. Though her level was intermediate at best, she could see why he would want to translate these ones. It was only a shame he didn’t seem to want to share them with anyone else.

Gilgamesh kept watching her from his position behind her, and though she could tell his eyes were still opened by _feel alone_ -it was actually a little bit disconcerting- _,_ the certain way he was resting the whole weight of his head on her shoulder told her that he was very close to reach his more human limits.

She finished another tablet and took another from the pile, fighting against a deep yawn of her own. She was getting tired of this as well.

Let’s see… ah.

This other tablet in her hands, she found out, was also a deviation from the endless sea of merchant complaints over the price of some manufactured good she’s already had to go through one too many times, but unlike the others, this one didn’t seem to be about anything Chaldean related, which came as a surprise. 

She frowned at the carved words, trying to parse the meaning behind them, slightly surprised at how intricate and mildly obscure the vocabulary had turned out to be in this one, all of a sudden.

Was it some kind of log?

_With every moon that fades to new, he breaks more and more; nothing is whole, it's all fragments, all at odds. The answer to any of my queries remains unchangeable; he’s momentarily regaining something he’s lost, but I am fairly certain of what this is. They wish to rob me of even him._

She stopped writing for a moment, turning her gaze back at the tablet again, squinting at the words. The rest of the text was complete gibberish. She recognized a few stray words but not enough of them that she could turn the rest of the text into something more or less coherent.

She kept skipping through words until she reached the end of the log.

_Though a considerable amount of time has already passed since then, even so, if there is indeed something inside of him waiting to go off, I would like to know before his identity is obliterated, though I believe it'll stay dormant for yet another year._

Oh.

She really wasn’t supposed to be reading this at all. She could feel it in her bones; she had pried on something she shouldn’t, and as she tore her eyes away, her stomach flipped with a terrible, betraying sickness.

That was odd. Did Caster really want her to read through these texts too, or was he really that out of it that he didn’t realize he’d given her something so… personal? It wasn’t like she was going to do much of anything with this, given how eerily technical this tablet was, but… she knew that whatever it was, it was something more sordid and personal than whatever she was able to conjure in her imagination with what little she's been able to decipher, somehow distantly aware that she had stumbled upon something that she was surely not ready to confront.

However, she wasn’t given enough time to reflect on that. A hard pinch at her backside pulled her from her own thoughts before she could get herself completely lost in them.

She yelped in both pain and surprise, jumping from her spot on the floor. She discarded the tablet and her notebook onto a pile without so much as a second thought.

When she looked up, a pair of red eyes were staring down at her, bleary with sleep.

“Why did you stop just now?” he asked, and though his eyes were somewhat glazed with tiredness, more black than red, he sounded far more lucid and commanding than she would expect from someone she’d been under the impression had fallen asleep on her—sounding far too entirely ‘himself’. “I can’t seem to remember commanding you to put a stop on your efforts. Have I, Hakuno?”

Hakuno cringed.

Maybe Gilgamesh and his precognitive abilities were extending to the realm of mind-reading and this was some kind of punishment for catching her prying on something she shouldn't -even if it was unintentional-.

Hakuno let the silence drag, more out of necessity than anything else. She honestly was not sure how to answer to that. In the end, though, she chose to say something she knew was too obvious to warrant further questioning.

There might be things she did not want to know about Gilgamesh, after all.

“Well… It’s just getting late,” she finally answered, motioning at a nearby clock with her head, her last-ditch effort at keeping Caster at arm’s length and putting an end to today's episode of 'translation hell with Gilgamesh' before she exhausted herself to death instead. “And we’ve been here going through your tablets for four hours now.”

Eyes bleary, lips pursed, he commented, “so it seems,” like it was the inanest thing he’s ever heard from her, all before he tilted his head to the side, demeanor completely changing as he offered her a lazy smile. “Oh,” he said, his eyes shining bright with epiphany, “wish to retire to _sleep,_ then, Master? So soon? Surely you aren’t tired yet,” Gilgamesh countered.

Sure this might be a stupid test, but Hakuno _was_ tired, and the last thing she really wanted was to try parse the double entendre of his words when it was this late at night. 

She turned to stare at him while Caster simply regarded her back, strange lights in his eyes. His words had been a question, even if they were not quite framed as one. Though she barely knew this other version of Gilgamesh, she could see that much.

She sighed in defeat, squirming underneath his judging eyes. Sometimes she didn't really know why she insisted in trying to one-up him when she already knew he always found a way to outsmart her -or out-tire her, in this case?

He's too high-maintenance to be for fucking real. 

“As a matter of fact—yeah, Gil," another sigh, "I am.”

His smirk broadened.

“Have I truly exceeded your limits in such a short amount of time? I did not presume you'd be so faint of heart, Hakuno. In fact, judging by your words to me this evening, I was under the impression you were fairly confident in your own abilities to provide me with the support that I requested of you. What happened to that now?"

 _Faint of heart her ass._ Of fucking course Caster had exhausted her, she was _only fucking human_ and given the fact that his sleep-deprivedness has become such a constant state of being that he no longer seemed actively aware of his own exhaustion anymore, it was clear she hadn’t been meant to win this stupid test of his since the very beginning—but she sure wasn't about to give him any sort of unwarranted ego-boost by admitting he had tired her out before she could manage to tire him out herself instead so as to coerce him into sleeping.

As always, it didn’t matter which version of him she stumbled upon; Gilgamesh always proved to be _the worst_ -obnoxious and egotistical and so fucking smug about shit that didn’t matter to anyone else but _himself_. "Nothing happened to that, Gil. Giving my eyes a rest and going back on my words are two entirely different things altogether. And funny. Wasn't it _you_ who wished for me to stay?"

Caster’s face shuttered as he blinked once, then twice, and for a small moment, brief like a shooting star and rare like a lunar eclipse, Hakuno could see him struggling to say ‘no’ when he wanted to say ‘yes’, almost seeming to lose the edge of his taunting. However, the moment was short lived: the small, complacent smile at his lips which had remained frozen in place for that brief moment eased into calm consideration, and after a small pause, Caster finally hedged, "only if you have the imperious need to stay," voice carefully levelled, not even glancing at her face as he tilted his face upwards, the pressure of his hand on her shoulder finally lightening.

She took advantage of the opportunity to rise to her feet, dislodging herself from him, but was immediately halted in her efforts to leave again when the blond reached a hand out to her and pulled at her arm, making her almost trip and sway.

"I was just going to lay down on the couch," she told him as an answer to a question he didn’t make but that she knew still required of a response. “I’m not going anywhere—just tired.”

He scoffed. His grip on her arm was still as tight and demanding attention.

"Then lay down here with me," he said. “You still have words to honor to me, and I do not wish to retire to sleep just yet."

She pulled slightly against his grip, shaking her head, though struggle as she might, he didn’t look like he wanted to let go of her anytime soon. In his eyes there was something other than exhaustion and weariness, a tenacious glint that reminded Hakuno all too much of the younger man who had fought with his fists until his knuckles bled, and who rarely ever allowed himself to lose.

King of the Spoiled, alright.

She frowned.

“It's midnight, quarter past one, I'm tired, _and so are_ _you_. Just try give your eyes a rest for the night, Gil. I won’t go anywhere now that it is this late at night; I just need a place to rest is all.”

Gilgamesh’s response to that was an affronted look, one Hakuno had seen too many times on someone else who looked just like him; as if the mere suggestion that she might prefer the couch or any other kind of surface over him was personally insulting him more than the suggestion that he might need to lay down to rest when he was nothing sort of perfect.

Upon further reflection, perhaps it was.

“Don’t be foolish,” he said, yanking her back again as if he wasn’t ready for her to leave. “Do you truly believe you shall get proper rest on that cheap box of springs the Chaldeans insist on calling a couch? It hardly constitutes an acceptable resting place even for a mutt.”

Hakuno yanked against his grip, a vain attempt at breaking free. Gilgamesh yanked back. Hakuno made a sound in her throat somewhere between frustration and pain and frowned again.

Of all the times for him to come over particularly eccentric, did it really have to be now?

"Gilgamesh..." she sighed, looking down at him more tired than annoyed. "Then _where_ am I to sleep?"

She didn’t know why she asked when she could already imagine what the selfish answer to that would be, but she did, anyway, and the ensuing answer of course didn’t shock her.

The corners of Gilgamesh's mouth tugged up onto a wry smile. His voice bordered on the edge of frustration as he repeated, “Come here, then,” looking at her as if _she_ was being the unreasonable one out of the two of them, as if it was _she_ who wasn’t making any sense at all.

But Hakuno had already gone through this more than just once, and just as stubborn, she shook her head, insisting, “It’s really okay. I’m used to sleep on hard surfaces. Though it’s been a while since the last time I did, I had almost grown so used to sleep on the floor that a few hours of sleeping on a hard couch won’t do nothing to my back. It's fine, Caster; you need that bed more than I do.”

It was only then that Caster seemed to finally relent and subside, letting go of her arm as he raised to his feet as well and gave her a look of contempt that she wasn’t all that sure to whom it was intended to be directed to, but that was terrifying nonetheless. Sometimes Hakuno still wished that Gilgamesh came with an instruction manual only so that she could have some kind of basic protocol to follow instead of relying on trial and error and basic instinct, something that would tell her how to proceed carefully, lest she ended up hurting herself in the process. On the other hand, Hakuno also liked challenges, and it wouldn’t be worth it if it was easy.

“The floor?”

Hakuno sighed, finally able to move to the couch. She didn’t bring any clothes to change into, but she supposed it wouldn’t hurt her that bad if she slept on her day clothes on for just one day. Though Caster was following right behind her, at least he wasn’t belittling her over her choice of nightly attires like another version of himself would undoubtedly do, as allergic to cotton as he was to quietness.

She crawled into the couch and pulled over herself some sort of fabric that was laying on top of it as decoration. Though she knew it wasn’t designated to be a blanket, thin and short as it was, that will do for this night.

When she looked up at the ceiling, it was to see Caster kneeling by her side, leaning over slightly with one eyebrow raised, as if demanding an answer to his previous query.

“A version of you insisted I shouldn’t dare get my grody, peasant clothes anywhere close to where he slept,” she mumbled, eyebrows twitching slightly at the memory as she curled herself into a ball on the couch, cocooning herself in that makeshift blanket she’s claimed as her own, at least for however long she stayed the night. “But that’s… water under the bridge now, I guess. Regardless—if it serves, you can wake me up again if you feel like it,” she assured.

Hakuno knew she didn’t have to console him, but something about his behavior made her want to.

Just then, something she couldn’t decide if she liked or not flashed across his eyes. “ _Feel_ like it?” he repeated.

She hummed, thinking little of what she said up until the point she was reminded by her better instincts that Gilgamesh _loved_ finding loopholes so that things ended up playing in his favor regardless of the circumstances, and it occurred to her that perhaps she might need to amend her choice of words before she somehow set a dangerous precedent from which she wouldn’t be able to turn back from afterwards.

Hakuno felt his hand on hers and gave it a light squeeze in time for her to whisper, “…Or, you know, only if it is _absolutely necessary_.”

His expression was one of mild bemusement before it morphed into something that Hakuno mildly recognized as Gilgamesh looking as if he wanted to argue further with her, but it only lasted for a few seconds before his shoulders slumped, as if he had suddenly desisted from following that impulse. While it struck her as somewhat strange coming from the same man who could get offended by _inanimate objects_ , she wasn’t about to complain about it if it meant she could finally have a break of Gilgamesh going on and on about everything and nothing all at once.

A low chuckle reached her ears then, though it sounded somewhat distant.

“You really shouldn't tempt me that way, Hakuno."

 _He's just playing mindfuck games with me_ , she reminded herself. _I’m just new,_ she repeated inside her head, and for a moment she allowed herself to wonder how she was even supposed to guard herself against Gilgamesh and his _carelessness,_ abut his trick schemes and this cursed, magnetic space around him—but as she tried to gather that sort of information, she was reminded that she couldn’t. Nothing of what she had tried back then when Archer took her away with him had managed to save her from ending up like this, so it was probably safe to assume there would be nothing she could resort to that would save her from suffering a similar fate now.

As she closed her eyes, her mind went through Caster’s ominous answer and her last spoken words to him, and she pondered on what feeling would make him, for some instance, to take upon her offer.

* * *

He started awake no less than three times after finally dozing into that kind of light, transient sleep he taught himself to fall into so that he could wake from it in an instant and be wide awake and alert. While he couldn’t say he will be fully rested by the time morning comes, he was positively certain that at least he would be rested enough to be able to function properly the next day.

Unbecoming though it was, there had been something other than piles and piles of work keeping him from resting as he ought to, and this other 'something' he regretfully couldn’t blame on anyone else but himself, as it was none other than his own exasperation at the brown-eyed, nonsensical creature currently laying curled up some meters away from where he laid, fast asleep on a couch.

The woman was absurd.

Stubborn and absurd.

He had provided her with the chance to rest and be soothed by his side, even going as far as to give in to her insistence over his lack of sleep by allowing himself to _actually_ rest his eyes for more than a few hours at most so as long as Archer’s plain fool remained by his side. He had offered her warmth, a side beside him to lay herself on, and yet—where was said fool currently sleeping on, pray tell?

On the couch.

To think she would be as foolish and audacious so as to chose a measly couch over himself—this woman’s idiocy truly knew no bounds.

After providing him with more than anyone else had ever provided him without being prompted to, after dutifully carving his spoken words into clay for hours on end and translating at least two fifths of his work only because the fool genuinely wanted to indulge him, ever so dedicated to him, she had simply walked herself away from him, taken the linen blanket that he had laid over the couch to give the Chaldeans’ chambers some semblance of proper décor, and then curled herself into a ball and fell asleep there, like a stray dog, without even discarding her day clothes—as if she had done none of these things to him, as if she had been _meant_ to fall asleep there since the very beginning, as if she was somehow undeserving of praise after showing him such foolishly honest dedication when he could rarely find others who could commit to him to such an extent.

_How dare she._

He was within his right to demand her stay by his side, and denying him of what was his by right was already inexcusable by its own merit, but the fact that she had dared to go out of her way like this so as to contradict him in this manner was an even greater affront to his name that he shall not allow. Archer's plain fool might be ensnaring, but he would not allow such boldness no matter how amusing she made herself to be. This was in dire need of rectification.

Lost in his thoughts as he was, it was in the silence that reigned over them that he heard it, breaking his concentration.

The sound of a shifting weight alerted him enough to quickly pull himself upright, resting his whole weight on one arm.

"...Gil?" Hakuno’s voice rose from her side on the couch, uncertain and with traces of sleep, murmuring his name in that soft voice that never failed to turn him inside out in spite of himself. 

Gilgamesh’s opened his eyes wide right away, his pupils adjusting to the darkness of the room as his gaze quickly landed once more on the sleeping form of Hakuno.

Sleeping, as far as he was concerned.

But had she only been pretending to sleep? At that moment, even if her eyes were still closed, she had almost sounded lucid.

His own fool would also talk to himself in his sleep like that, annoying habit that he had, mind too focused on trying to chase after things that were too way out of his reach, but Archer's plain fool right here was…

Gilgamesh scowled. It wasn’t like him to have such fragmentary losses in his recollection.

Hakuno was…

He blinked a couple times, took in a halting breath, and then shook his head, scoffing lightly at himself. 

To think he’d be willing to entertain something so inane. No, that wasn’t right. He’s long since outgrown a belief in things eternal.

She didn’t move or lay still like someone wide awake but only pretending to be asleep would do, nor did she say anything more than that, so he dismissed the idea almost as quickly as it came. The rise and fall of her chest was still as gentle and effortless as it ought to be on a person who was still trapped in the embrace of a deep sleep, and at most all that she did was shift ever-so-slightly in an unconscious attempt at making herself comfortable.

He closed his eyes again. He wouldn’t venture deeper than what was completely necessary—he had a certain feeling that this was like a dangerous icy surface, and he didn’t want to go down in such an undignified manner if he stepped too hard on it.

However, with the silence roaring in his ears, he found it hard to follow his intended course of action, though it was fairly easy.

He couldn’t stand it. He’s seen other women with more special characteristics than she had -many, many others-, and still, her eyes had this unique intensity about them that almost always remained dauntless—her most striking feature, and unfortunately too much resembling of him, he was coming to realize.

Again, he gave off a scoff that he intended mostly to himself.

Ah. This certainly won't do. Hakuno had thought a couch would stop him. Caster, on the other hand, could only think it was hilarious how small her imagination was. For someone as familiar with his younger self as she was, he had expected more wit out of her, but perhaps this could play in his favor, after all.

He forced himself to stand out from the bed; took slow, careful steps towards her before reaching out and hooking a firm hold underneath her shoulders and knees.

He lifted her effortlessly, though he noticed that the act somehow lacked warmth, as if his entire body had grown cold in spite of the short journey he had taken from his bed to the couch. He grimaced. It never seemed to get cold like this on Uruk.

Hakuno stirred somewhat in her sleep, mumbling something so incomprehensible Gilgamesh didn’t even attempt deciphering its meaning, thinking of it as only being the incoherent ramblings of an unconscious girl, too fast asleep. It was also accompanied by a sound of protest that he quelled with a small hush.

Gilgamesh stood still in that position until all movement subsided and she went limp in his arms again.

He moved them back to bed and laid her there with him, kicking off the sheets only so that he could then drape them over her body more or less properly, and the response that was earned was immediate and positive as she sank into the comforts that only an actual mattress could offer, her expression remaining peaceful all the while. Covered in his pelts as she ought to, all while he tried to pay no heed to the fact that she was still dressed in her _day clothes_ as opposed to him, who had long since discarded his own apparel, perhaps now he could try to chase after his own rest as well.

Unconsciously, Hakuno moved towards him, facing him sideways and tangling herself in a mess of pelts and sheets as her hands moved to brush against his arms under the covers. The act itself was inconspicuous, _tame_ , but since his skin was still somewhat cold from the chill of night, the slight skin to skin contact was welcome—which was the only reason he took both of her hands between his and held them tight to his chest.

Gilgamesh felt her stir somewhat at the contact, though she remained dreamy and docile and still very much unconscious.

His fingers itched to touch, the shape of her mouth too irresistible even in the dark of night, but he’s no longer a teenager unable to control his urges.

Instead, Gilgamesh closed his eyes—

“Gil, will I disappear tomorrow…?”

—and immediately opened them again with a flicker of heat in his chest, a distant echo of something too faint to be trusted.

However, the woman still had her eyes closed shut, appearing like she was mumbling to herself in her sleep rather than trying to engage in a meaningful conversation with him.

"…Mongrel. Where is this coming from?" he asked quietly, knowing for a fact that there was no reason this woman would answer his query, deep asleep as she was, and that he should know better than to try make sense of the half-asleep ramblings of some foolish, amnesic girl that a version of himself happened to stumble upon in some distant timeline far away from the one they now found themselves trapped into, but there was something about her now that he couldn’t put aside, a sense of wrongness so strong it almost bordered on that rare kind of revulsion that stirred the hairs on his neck.

She said nothing, and curiosity piqued, he prodded further.

Trying to keep his voice low, he harshly whispered, “Hakuno, _specifics_.”

The woman frowned in her sleep, but instead of waking up, she complied, though not in the way he wanted her to, breaking into an incoherent speech that seemed to hold no relation whatsoever to whatever was that she said before.

“I couldn't see his face, but... he was looked just like me—was just like me. He told me it was a good thing for me. In exchange for his wish... I will go to a place no one's seen,” which, for all intents and purposes, should make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Gilgamesh scowled.

A doppelgänger, maybe, or…

His scowl lifted in a way that only a sense of epiphany could achieve.

There was a moment, fragile though it may be, with Hakuno’s head resting sideways against his chest, with her eyes still shut softly, that Caster felt the sense of recognition like a blow against his chest, knocking the breath from his lungs until he lost track of where he was or who he was, if only for a heartbeat.

It was a nonsensical gamble, he knew it, one that was even more absurd than the one the woman lying beside him seemed so intent on playing with him, but Hakuno at least had ignorance as an excuse, something that he lacked. However, perhaps he could blame it to the haze of exhaustion, to this state of only being half-awake, that he had forgotten himself enough that he was willing to give this a try.

In a sudden rush, he told her of something only one such person could probably give him an answer to, itching closer, instinctively tightening his grip on her hands.

“...Hakuno. For how long did you touch the empty?” he whispered, voice careful with an unfamiliar fragility he didn't think he'd ever feel, though he knew it was many thousand years far too late to expect an answer to that, and then his expression clouded, as if all of a sudden, he couldn’t quite remember how he had meant to continue.

Long sealed-away memories surfaced again in the back of his mind -the scars of something it couldn’t forget.

She shook her head, completely out of her wits, which wasn’t really all that helpful as far as responses went -but Gilgamesh had long since become resigned to disappointment, and perhaps, even, the fact that Hakuno went quiet once more, snoring softly as she only inched closer, was for the better.

Gilgamesh looked down at her again, his gaze drawing past the curtain of Hakuno’s hair spilling over her face and obscuring her features. Though it was hard to tell with her hair tangled all around her as it was, the gentle rise and fall of her chest made it obvious that she was still deep asleep. Her legs had unconsciously tangled with his own while she had tried to chase after him in her sleep, offering him a greater warmth unlike that which had been offered by the sheets; with her head against his chest and turned half onto her side, one foot was freed of the blankets and another was caught beneath them.

As Gilgamesh laid on the bed, pressed to the sheets by Hakuno’s weight draping over him, he raised one hand, the only one that he could without disturbing her from her position, only so that he could tuck a heavy lock of Hakuno’s hair behind her ear.

She didn’t even flinch.

He was only then reminded that he should sleep, though it seemed impossible now. Hakuno was warm against his side, with her legs tucked against his and her head against his chest all whilst the odd angle he was trapped in was cutting off the blood flow to his arm. In spite of such, however, he found that he didn’t really need for her to move.

Hakuno murmured something sleepily again, something that he thought was a string of names he didn’t find familiar in the slightest — _ShinjiSakuraRaniRinGatou_ — but that for her they might have hold some kind of meaning.

She was undisturbed from her deep sleep.

Whilst stroking her scalp, Caster felt himself relax, even if just barely, enveloped by a flame that warmed him without scorching him, which had been easier to ignore all this time, before he felt the soft tangle of her hair and the warmth of her skin on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have dubbed this chapter inside my head as 'the calm before the inevitable cataclysmic wave of salt™ that will ensue'.


End file.
